Silence!

mika

2009-09-20T01:21:00.002+08:00

oh goodness. i can't believe that i said that. at first i knew deep down that i would have told mothergoose the very moment he came into the room a few weeks back. and now completely opposite, i went into foreign territory just to tell what i wasn't about to say.

in fact i'm more or less prepared to live it regardless of telling it. just that i thought things might help a little. for my pressure to go off and maybe wishing for miracles to come true. this must be because of disney's themes; people come from totally different backgrounds coming together and one fine day -poof!- they do funny things and in the end happy ending.

Why don't you come to your senses?

2009-09-13T11:41:00.002+08:00

OH YES! i heard this singer doing a cover for Eagles' Desperado. I can't get the video for now, but the lyrics shall be here first! (:

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get

Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're losin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late

OHOHOHOH!!! another song to put here (: all by selena gomez (:

First up, "Disappear"

(disappear!)
I remember the first time
But it wasn't the last time
That you told me you'd take me back
So i'm still wondering whythere was never a question
I should've learned my lesson
I keep coming back
Like a heart attack
That's always breakin'

I can't let you vanish
There's no magic when you're gone

Chorus:
You say you don't need me
You say it's time to leave me
I'm not gonna let you disappear
And i don't wanna hear it
I don't wanna believe it
I'm not gonna let you disappear

Oh oh oh x3
Disappear

I don't wanna be lonely
But you are always the only one
Who'd cast a spell
And make it feel like all of this was real
nothing but an illusion
But i'm not gonna lose ya
So just do your trick
And make it quick
Cuz i'm pretending

I can't let you vanish
There's no magic when you're gone
Chorus:
You say you don't need me
You say its time to leave me
I'm not gonna let you disappear
And i don't wanna hear it
I don't wanna believe it
I'm not gonna let you disappear

Oh oh oh x3
Disappear

Dont go!

I can't let you vanish
There's no magic when you're gone

Oh oh oh x3
Disappear

Chorus:
You say you don't need me
You say its time to leave me
I'm not gonna let you disappear
And i don't wanna hear it
I don't wanna believe it
I'm not gonna let you disappear

Oh oh oh x3
Disappear
Oh oh oh x3
Disappear

Don't go,
Disappear

I was actually quite mad at myself yesterday when i woke up late and find myself having taken wrong choices like going for soccer in the morning, then gambling for mj and ended up tiring myself for roa. the worst thing i did to myself on this day when i should be loving myself and God was to punch my thighs twice. I thought it would wake me up to hurry myself for the day, but i realised that all was the pain i bore on my knuckles and my thighs.

Thank God that He knew what i needed, and i felt He personally came to my help through roa. Fr G was indicating the reason - which was to tell me that I had to take up the pain for so many parts on my body in my life, like how Christ took long long time ago - the crosses were made over the seven parts of the body. Praise God! (:

Magical

2009-09-13T00:50:00.002+08:00

Hey! I'm back after a long long time of nonsense and sadness and happiness.

oh oh! an interesting update so far. if i'm supposed to talk about it here, i need to code this up. so, i was in this g-_-q as facilitator since God-knows-when till tuesday.

Honestly, I thought it's quite interesting to hear the difference between an 'instructor' and a 'facilitator'. One point to note is; instructor should teach everything from the basics while the other can, or perhaps should give words of advice or caution only when needed. Which brings me to my point that the first half of the week ended up standing under the hot sun while i was trying to pen the comments down for the guys.

Anw. zs and i managed to squeeze into one of the testees' cars as we were leaving on tues. we were trying extremely hard to flag or call for a cab until this person was so nice to stop on the opposite of the road to send us to jp.

it didn't feel good, but it made me think - please appreciate his act by not lying; how often would we be thankful that an aN aSs guy who is so busy and in a rushhour-mode for his outside work would send you to somewhere when you were stranded in the middle of nowhere?

anything next time! (:

Magical

Just drive
I’m sick of talking
We know where this is going
I’m done
Take me home

I can’t wait forever
For you to get yourself together
I’d rather be alone

I’m so tired of pretending
Just want a happy ending

[Chorus]
Wish I could put a spell on you
Wish I could make you feel like I do
Wouldn’t that be sweet
So magical
Wish I could blink and wave a wand
Get everything that I ever wanted
Put a spell on you
Make it all come true

You talk
From what I know
Guys like you come and go

But I know things can change
See my heart it may be broken
But that wont stop me hoping

[Chorus]

I just wanna know what we should’ve done
Wanna figure out what we could have become
Cuz I know in my heart
I’m not over you

I just wanna go back and try it again
Turn back the time
This isn’t the end of us
It isn’t the end of us
It isn’t the end of us
[Chorus x2]

Everything's Not What It Seems

2009-08-30T19:56:00.002+08:00

A few hours later and I'd be preparing for my official second day at work, which is probably why I'm trying to keep my spirits high currently.

Lately I've realised that I'm keeping distance from relationships - not the bfgf kind - but friendships and God-ship, if you may suggest. At work, I find that I'm doing things with minimal care and concern for the rest. And consider the point that this week's session was talking about God's love for us and how we should love others. There's a very thick grey area between caring for your brothers and sisters and maintaining control in crises, and honestly, as how this Memale Dog was putting forward to me, I have to make this decision soon; very soon. I guess it's all about God's choice he's going to give me. Perhaps He would guide me soon. Maybe in my dreams, maybe when I'm subconscious or even when I'm about to make a rash decision. I wouldn't know anyway.

So, as I was saying, I was so happy that Sam got my line (: and I'm so excited to hear this song! And Selena Gomez's so talented! (:

Well you know every thing's gonna be a breeze

That the end will no doubt justify the means

You could fix any problem at the slightest ease

Yes please

Well you might find out It'll go to your head

When you write a report on a book you never read

With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed

That's what I said

Everything is not what it seems

When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams

You might run into trouble if you go to extremes

Because everything is not what it seems

Everything is not what it seems

When you can have what you want by the simplest of means

Be careful not to mess with the balance of things

Because everything is not what it seems (:

Gut reaction

2009-08-23T20:09:00.002+08:00

"I gut a feeling..." by Black Eyed Peas.

As I stepped into a life where there are no more restrictions on wearing white shoes only, it has become evident that I can no longer escape the reality of what I opted not to know over the years. Throughout schooling years, I chose to believe that people are always nice; and that I need to think twice before being harsh to the other person. And for that, whenever I treated one badly, I would regret for hours; wasting my lifeless life away.

However, lately I found things are made flowery just because they had to. Just like how klf's cynical comments when describing plants on the wall, it is getting obvious that people do things in their own favour. So in a way, one day you're someone's friend, the next you're not - just because you were useful... for that moment.

Well, that was somewhat related to the things behind the fences. Then out in the world where nightlife prospers, stories revealed how animal instincts soared in people's minds. Guys were simply let loose, even for the ones whose images have been the most innocent of all. Letting loose is fine, indulging on worldly pleasures is acceptable, if you may suggest, but if all these result in people becoming aggressive, I think that's too much.

I mean, do people have to be unreal just to project that wonderful image? Do people need to make use of others? Do we not see the need to offer help? Do people need to be offensive just because society demands it? Why that chemical will only flow at the wee hours? Why do we become uncontrolled with alcohol? Why at night?

This will go on and on, like how some low IQ yet very high EQ people said. So I'm quite fed up with this passage. Conclusion, I'll apply for a new course, since I can't take it when I was about to faint after seeing Shan's extremely long articles on ss. prolly others! (:

Scratchy Scratch

2009-08-23T00:14:00.000+08:00

Nothing explains my anger

The Ride

2009-08-21T23:23:00.002+08:00

Terence sat beside klf's driver seat. He knew every line he made would be shot down straight away, but he could not take the silence anymore. This deafening sound had been there since the wish drove for a few streets, and a voice was bothering him to speak something.

"Erm. What do you all do when courses end?"

"Hai... Slack lor" He said with the proud tone, which appeared a little arrogant for a moment.

In the midst of the ride, Terence knew what he would have bombarded klf for what he said, as what he probably would have done to smoker. However, he decided that out of respect he kept mum for he could sense that through that arrogance portrayal, there were much more secrets - deep dark ones where he wouldn't want to tell (so much for being a traditional man) - that he was trying to control.

Poor him, but it was nice for the ride and bless that klf gets opened up one fine day (:

playlist one

2009-08-10T19:22:00.002+08:00

just friends

when it was me

please be mine

still in love with you

what i go to school for

when you look me in the eyes

you just don't know it

look me in the eyes

tambourine

say goodbye

hello beautiful

crank that (soulja boy)

i'm only me when i'm with you

everywhere i go

hey there delilah

say it again

right back in the water

maybe

the way you look at me

feelin' you

tell her

fall for you

s.o.s

hold on

runnin'

told you so

s.h.e. superstar

it ends tonight

lovebug

can't have you

awake

my boo

it's over

sorry

pushin' me away

i'll be waiting

crush

shelf

one step at a time

t-shirt

just stand up

love story

got me going crazy

australia

just so you know

anybody

just go

we can go anywhere

not your enemy

us against the world

can i have this dance

come down to me

our last summer

sos (mamma mia)

lay all your love on me

gimme gimme (a man after midnight)

miss independent

just wanna be with you

the name of the game

are you gonna be my girl

the winner takes it all

how do you sleep

makeup

because you live

leave out all the rest

baby your my light

... more to fill for that missed out one!

for you, friend

2009-08-10T16:31:00.002+08:00

this is a very out-dated post, and sometimes i don't believe that i can hear things and the next moment i read smth similar.

He tried to make small talk. He succeeded. It couldn't possibly have been any smaller. 'You know, Philadelphia was once the capital of the United States.'

She knew this. Every school kid in America knew this. 'I didn't know that.'

'Do you know who discovered the place?'

Gee, she thought. Penn and Teller?

'William Penn, of course.' He pointed down Market Street, toward City Hall. The statue of William Penn glowed in the dusk.

'Wow.'

She felt his hand reach out, try to hold hers. Gross. She reached around to her backpack, covering. She unzipped it, pulled out some gum. She didn't offer him any. He didn't notice. Every time she caught him looking at her he was staring at her chest.

'There's something down here I think you should see,' he said. 'There's history everywhere.'

They walked down the alley, around a corner. They stopped. There was nothing to see.

'You know what?' he asked.

'What?'

'You're very beautiful.'

And there it was. On top of it, she knew it was a lie. She looked like crap. She probably smelled, too. She was a runaway. Runaways were skanks. 'Thank you,' she said.

'Can I ask you a question?'

Lilly almost laughed. 'Sure.'

'Do you like me? Even, you know, a little bit?'

Oh, about as much as a blister or a cold sore, Lilly thought. 'Of course,' she said. 'I'm here, aren't I? Why would you ask me that?'

'Because boys are insecure,' he said with a gnarled smile.

Boys. She was just about ready to puke. Time to get this party started. 'You know, you don't strike me as all that insecure.'

'I don't?'

'Absolutely not. You strike me as the Matt Damon type. Older - like my father's age - but still pretty cool.'

He smiled again. It was the last thing she wanted.

'You know, I was thinking,' he said. 'If you're a little short of cash, I could help you out. You being from out of town and all. I did the Jack Kerouac thing myself when I was a little younger. I know how it can be.'

'Well, I've never been to Philadelphia before,' she said. 'I have no idea how much things cost.'

'It can be expensive. Not quite like New York, but pricier than, say Baltimore.'

Lilly smiled, winked. 'How much do you have, big spender?'

I decided that I wouldn't add the next part since it's quite long, it's quite aggressive and arms are aching and can't really type. So, this is Play Dead by Richard Montanari and I love Graciella's character.

And today's quote - Nobody who is truly happy is an alcoholic or drug addict. These things are mutually exclusive. Drugs are what you do instead of loving someone.

All About You by G.E.M

2009-08-02T08:57:00.000+08:00

再友好的最尾會變生疏
這個跟她說過一生　最尾偏偏錯過
那個跟他愛過　到最尾竟出了錯

碰過幾多　愛有過險阻
我愛過的多數最終都會傷我
而自遇見你　惡夢就變美
我碰見了最美好驚喜

＊It's all about you
I'm in love with you
我眼中分分秒秒也有你
我每次想起　已滿心歡喜
你我之間都有過太多趣味
It's all about you 我的心機　
何時悲　何時喜　也因你
It's all about you

碰過幾多　愛有過險阻
我愛過的多數最終都會傷我
我錯過幾多　我放棄過幾多
我痛過幾多　叫我悔過當初
而現在遇見你　美麗就像套戲
我碰見了最美好驚喜

Repeat ＊

傷的心　始終會怕又再錯摸
有了你在遇著淚流仍然容易過
(暖透我心的經過)　你最清楚
It's all about you

Repeat ＊＊

passwords

2009-08-02T00:14:00.002+08:00

i've quite been keeping mum about things that i feel that i don't need to say, or i don't feel like saying, or maybe things that may cause trouble to others if i say it out. however, if BIG things do happen - and i mean BIG ones, like i'm forced not to tell it out or once in a lifetime things - it's really hard to shut up.

SO, let's talk about smth quite serious. one fine day uncle sam's school of frogs were called out for a hunt; their prince knew this day would be a great day since history had shown that algae loved to grow at its peak every three months, and that this day would have the most food count.

as usual, these amphibious creatures were quite scared to dive underwater after living on land for most of their lives. so they practised swimming on shallow waters first before the hunt.

however, amongst them all, the prince didn't need the practise, all because he was the most experienced and knew how to hunt even before the younger ones were born.

after this mini swim, all gathered back to the jetty before heading to the deeper parts of the river. the prince decided that he would teach the rest how to swim by demonstrating, and he swam to the middle of the river and back to shore.

and his strokes in water were to use their legs and maintaining a streamline posture; so if the belly's too heavy, he must pop his bottom higher to counter that downward thing, and yadadadadadada. those physics things.

next, the prince sent his most blur junior frog to do a swim like he did, with the idea of 'if he can, everything'd be a breeze'.

at first, he managed to get to the centre. but before he u-turned, his butt started to bulge up really high. in his mind, he recalled that the prince told him to raise his hips so he wouldn't sink, but by doing this he was stationary with his legs kicking the water.

his friends noticed this and began shouting to him "butt down butt down!!" somehow he managed to hear despite the distance, about 1 km or so, which prompt him to relax his abdominal muscles and let those heavy fats on his belly sag. the posture went down and eventually drove his head down into the water... it plunged down like the titanic and bloop bloop bloop.

they tried to call for the prince's help. everyone wanted to be a lifeguard and the hero, but that blur sinking soul was really too heavy. so the prince tried to gather his tools to drag that fellow back to shore.

somehow, the king noticed this critical situation and news spread like wild fire.

two hours later, all the tools were in place. including the reinforcements, everyone hooked and pulled the ropes onto the poor soul like the game of tug of war game and that soul was saved. the biggest trouble was, all the algae were swept aside when the saving was done. which means, no food for the next three months, and they all lived happily never after in a world without food.

well, if you ever think that life's over, you're wrong. in any kingdom, when anything wrong has been done, the king would look for those responsible for the problem. uncle sam wanted no one to be blamed, so in a court case, he tried defending everyone around. instead, he pushed over to the system, the method of teaching and blaming acts of irresponsibility by the teachers through the lack of concern for the surroundings... so in the end, everyone learnt their lesson that swimming at deeper waters are not safe for frogs, which is why you never see them at sea!

the end.

why this news now? why not earlier? will things have changed if things were out? why tell lies? worse, why 'don't know'? why made me think of them earlier for adrian's question? why no guts? why weak? why regret? why blame? why so loud in front of cheeks and hen? why still do that? like andrew said, old flames never die :)

get your armour

2009-07-25T23:12:00.002+08:00

hi. a little update on my life.

Normally I'm not good at this, especially in this kind of environment, but I guess things still need to be let out so as to start the following week afresh.

Alright, so last sunday we decided to meet up before su leaves for the land of the kangaroos. In there, there were joel, liselle, su, audrey and i. five of us. i always thought i was the the most sick person amongst all, and i insisted that i had to see the doctor since my parents from work and home were pumping numbers into their cell phones just to light up my handphone screen for it. it turned out that joel was the one feeling ill on that day. the scariest thing that happened was that i started to feel things dripping from my nose on tuesday, and realising that liselle and su fell ill on wednesday. by friday, i find that dad fell ill too. i was so scared that i was a flu carrier, since i heard that the music m had most of them getting sick too.

then, behind those fence, there was driving with sticks. ninety-five isn't that great, honestly, since any fault apart from test means you're bad. on thursday, i had disaster reversing down the carrier. thank God no one was hurt then, and i actually felt bad when someone said the safety in charge then was very scared. on my part, it felt like a nightmare. i mean, tons - and really, tons - of weight lay down off the ramp and possibly crush bones into powder if anyone was nearby. in fact, i just couldn't speak or think in any manner.

Friday night, sneaked out to celebrate with calvin's 18. esp when dad was in hospital for fever, leaving mum worried for him. 2 margarita and 2 shots of teq left me spinning at 1. i said i couldn't walk straight, but the funny thing was that, i was just standing still. the world felt like swaying left to right, and to left again. so it happened at seven-eleven all the way until i reached my lobby. and honestly, this was a complete new experience compared to the beer i drank for fripps' birthday.

Just now, Jude's talking about the idea of 'miracles' and there's one thing i found, it all depends on how you want to accept it as a miracle.

So, if I choose to look at it this way, i'm supposed to pray for those who are sad on friday. that was what i suggested on last week's session, and it actually included didi after people were talking about his roller coaster life, especially the downs. the interesting part, in his comment @ fb, there was a smile since a long long time.

i always find battlefield by jordin sparks have something special.

another quote

2009-07-05T20:41:00.002+08:00

one quick one.

"while it can never replace the real one, you can make a new family with your friends."

"where we came from, sometimes you stand up for your friends, even when you can't win"

still from that book

Let's dance

2009-07-05T15:41:00.002+08:00

'Are there any other challengers!' he (Warano) roared. 'Does anyone dare oppose me now!'

The crowd of natives cheered.

Lily sobbed.

But as she did so, in a distant corner of her mind, she heard a strange voice coming from Ono's radio saying, '-picked up a residual heat signature about a half-hour ago. Just found it. Looks like a downed Huey, UN markings. Near a strange-looking forest. Sending you my coordinates now, sir-'

The cheering died down and suddenly there was silence around the Fighting Stone.

Long silence.

The only sound was the foul crunching of the crocs tearing Solomon's body apart.

'So there is no one then!' Warano shouted again, quickly translated by Cassidy. 'Excellent! I shall take my new woman and enjoy her...!'

But then someone spoke.

'I challenge you.'

This time it was Zoe.

The response from the assembled Neetha said it all. They had never seen anything like this.

A woman challenging a royal son.

They murmured animatedly, aghast.

'Unless the chief's son is too cowardly to do battle with a woman,' Zoe said.

Sensing the moment, Diane Cassidy immediately translated Zoe's words for the others and the crowd went to total apoplexy.

Zoe shouted to Warano, adding the sweetener. 'If he defeats me, this Warano can have two wives.'

When Cassidy translated this, Warano's eyes lit up like lightbulbs. To own a white woman might have been the ultimate status symbol, but to own two...

'Bring her to me!' he called. 'After I beat her, I shall keep her, but as a master keeps a dog.'

Zoe was released from her platform and she strode down the long plank that gave entry to the Fighting Stone.

Once on the Stone, the plank was withdrawn and she faced off against the giant Warano.

Wearing only singlet, cargo pants and boots, she wasn't exactly big. But her lean muscular shoulders, glistening with swear, contained a wiry strength.

Standing before the Neetha chief's number one son, the top of her blonde head came level with his shoulders. The great black warrior loomed over her.

He kicked Solomon's sword across to her, saying something derisive in his own language.

'Is that so?' Zoe picked up the sword. 'But I don't think you've ever met a woman like me before, asshole. Let's dance.'

This part is taken from Matthew Reilly's The Six Sacred Stones. What I particularly liked here is that, other than the fact that it's my second book; a reasonably thick book, in the short moment four different people had four different thoughts and also the arrogance - or confidence - Zoe had against someone bigger physically and by status. Especially the tension, where there were so many thoughts going through, I loved the composure displayed, even if this is a fiction. I'm quite sure that typing this exact same title on facebook might send the wrong message, but then again, the idea of putting puns online just makes things very interesting. (:

Let's trade shoes (:

2009-07-04T22:57:00.004+08:00

I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humour, everything's so tense and gloom, I
Almost feel like I got to check the temperature of the room just as soon as
I walk in, it's like all eyes on me, and so I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that, then it opens the door for conversation, like I want that
I'm not looking for extra attention, I just wanna be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room, maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need no f***ing man servant, tryna follow me around and wipe my a**
And laugh at every single joke I crack and half of 'em ain't even funny like "Hah!
Marshall you're so funny man you should be a comedian, *** damn"
Unfortunately I am, I just hide behind the tears of a clown...

... In my shoes, just to see, what it's like to be me

I'll be you, let's trade shoes, just to see what it'd be like to

Feel your pain, you feel mine, go inside each other's minds

Just to see what we'd find, look at sh*t through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful...

... I learned my lesson then, cause I wasn't trying to impress my friends no more...

... God gave you them shoes, to fit you, so put 'em on and wear em. Be yourself, man. Be proud of who you are. Even if it sounds corny, don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't beautiful.

hey! it's so cool to have smth just nice to explain how i'm feeling. yeah. oh. i had a bad time this week. got lost between fiction and reality. and i kinda like the quotes there are here (: next time! (: oh yes. whatever andrew said somehow made me doubt, even though i know what oughtta be done.

ch-ch-ch-changes!

2009-06-27T23:46:00.002+08:00

i would never believe this but i'm grateful for everything here today. it changed my day completely, even though i'm not too sure for some parts.

wires

2009-06-19T22:24:00.003+08:00

i have this impression that i need to loosen those wound wires. it's like the puppet is putting on a show; serving thousands of different audience's needs and wants. when sniped off, there'll be no strings attached, and i hope this serves as a reminder to think about things in the long run above all.

besides, i deliberately used wires for the dual meaning, the other being the need to clear doubts in order to prevent future problems.

anw. two days of abnormal lifestyle with a total of two hours of sleep kills, i guess that's why i feel like puking.

there's this interesting thing today. at the function there was water activities allowed. we had floats where handles were at the front of those donut-like floats. somehow the height near the shore wasn't that exciting, so marcus, xia yan and i were trying to wait for the waves to arrive deep inside. then as we were just playing, i noticed smth and told the rest that there was a couple in their teens having those silent kind of fun like taking off some things when two of them were on their floats too. actually the pair would be one of the worst matches i've ever seen when she looks quite normal, or not bad i would say, except for the stainless teeth but the guy seemed to be those kind of "errrrr i just woke up." i referred them to marcus subtly. his eyes widened and gave the smile after that. so we tried to ignore those two. but then later, marcus got too wild that somehow bumped my float at an angle so that i would directly hit the two and at the same time separate them. i somehow managed to paddle my way back with my bare hands, but the crazier thought was to bang him back to them. SO, i laughed so hard at my evil thought that was so loud that i bet everyone knew i was there. anyway, it was quite fun and exciting but embarrassing when i was quite sure that the girl could tell what i was about to do when we were in each other's direction. haha

i love to Get Everyone Moving. esp the songs she sings.

曾看著同星空　閒聊吹風　看日出多心動
曾每日纏一起　傻傻講起　能愛到下世紀
怎麼你俘虜這個心　卻抽身退隱　不再親近
獨自苦等　仍然空等　難藏淚印

看著　電話中短訊　聽著　錄音的口訊
昨天的你哪天再接近

Tell me Where did you go ?　心聲都不可細訴
Oh tell me baby where did you hide ?　辛苦都未被諒解
Where did you go ?　數數多久不碰到
我在每夜　徹夜狂想　Where did you go ?　

而這夜月光中　再見影蹤　再獻花多感動
而似蜜甜的心　明明開心　為何又驟降溫
怎麼你一下抱緊　卻一下子轉身　不再親近
獨自苦等　仍然空等　難藏淚印

看著　電話中短訊　聽著　錄音的口訊
昨天的你哪天再接近

Tell me Where did you go ?　心聲都不可細訴
Oh tell me baby where did you hide ?　辛苦都未被諒解
Where did you go ?　數數多久不碰到
我在每夜　徹夜狂想．．．．．

Where did you go ?　Where did you go ?
怎會當這刻我需要你　你卻沒在我身邊
Where did you go ?　Where did you go ?
這秒鐘很掛牽　你卻不可感覺到
Where did you go ?　Where did you go ?

Tell me Where did you go ?　心聲都不可細訴
Oh tell me baby where did you hide ?　辛苦都未諒解
Where did you go ?　數數多久不碰到
我在每夜　徹夜狂想．．．．．

Tell me Where did you go ?　心聲都不可細訴
Oh tell me baby where did you hide ?　辛苦都未諒解
Where did you go ?　數數多久不碰到
我在每夜　徹夜狂想　Where did you go ?

glands

2009-05-30T18:40:00.002+08:00

Did you forget that I was even alive?
Did you forget everything we ever had?
Did you forget?
Did you forget about me?

Did you regret ever standing by my side?
Did you forget what we were feeling inside?
Now I'm left to forget about us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it

So now I guess this is where we have to stand
Did you regret ever holding my hand?
Never again
Please don't forget; don't forget

We had it all; we were just about to fall
Even more in love than we were before
I won't forget; won't forget about us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it

Somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
At all

And at last; all the pictures have been burned
And all the past is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget
Please don't forget us

But somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song, but you won't sing along
You've forgotten about us

Oh my! This demi lovato song is sung at soooo high pitch that just rings in my head!

Anyway, it's such a lie to post this if i were just to admire those nice voices. hmm.

Oh! Speaking about voices, I just thought of adam lambert. Well, not really thought, but i happened to read about him. And guess what!

HE CAME FROM MUSICAL THEATRE, which kind of relates to the fact that people in theatres are exceptionally talented; like knowing how to make use of their vocal cords and fashion sense to portray oneself.

Honestly I wouldn't care if his strengths are really good, but the ability to adapt to different roles as lowly as Cowardly Lion in Wizard of Oz and as high-profile as the lead in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat says a lot.

On a stage where the audience are miles away, one's presence is really important, which effectively translates that a tall physique makes one more visible and that's all needed to be a celebrity.

Now the thought of stage comes to mind, I am utterly sorry that i can't really go for blithe spirit for the sPECIAL aNNOYING fREAKS forced me not to. but i hope i get miracles to watch it.

line

2009-05-17T19:12:00.002+08:00

I loooove this quote (:

Just because it is doesn't mean it should be

Topic

2009-05-17T09:22:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why people need to be subjected to enormous kind of pressure, especially when the pressure comes from "within"

Mommy n daddy are the two that just cannot stop psycho-ing me on why whatever (-.-'') course isn't great as the others. But their arguments are so weak, citing that this has no prospect, it might have a lot of pressure and you might not cope with it and a mix of @#$%$#@#$ together with... anyway just ~~all~~, ALL those kind of points that have not been giving me the reason to get down to think in depth.

I don't know, something's not right, in this battlefield, I was the one getting bombed. Naturally when you're being attacked, you run away from it and think of a way to counter it. However, this house is so huge that there's no escape. Once I ignored, everyone's unhappy. But hello! This isn't Guantanamo Bay, heck the spelling, and I'm no prisoner of war as well. And! There is no conversation at all, with me listening, no, hearing what on earth there is at all. So what is this? Studying for me? All three tarot cards have been laid out, but it'd be pointless to cover the other two and telling me the future based on that little card that's worth 33%.

Yeayeah whatever.

Uh huh!

2009-05-15T18:12:00.002+08:00

Hey.

I don't think I ever wrote something proper here for ages and the idea of doing it again feels... odd. Not that I want to psycho myself to think this way, but as I was reading some posts by others just now, I kept telling myself, why on earth people bother typing all these? don't they have better things to do? all these are like, duh! and yada-yada-yada...

SO, as I was saying, I'm trying to adapt to this way of writing paragraphs like how I could do for all those crap n years ago.

Anyway, John and I encountered one of the biggest obstacle last saturday. While we were trying to wait for the rest for the supposedly class outing, we ran into prudential agents to save money for the future (yaya..-.-'') . Honestly I wasn't really interested in anything given by them; in fact, it was quite a torture to give hmm..., oh yes.., nods and the act-thinking gestures for the whole 32 minutes, but our intention was to buy a little time so we won't have to wander around aimlessly when we did one round before that.

My supposedly agent was a female. She didn't look horrible or something probably because of her makeup, but her posture and the way she spoke gave me the impression that she wanted to be aggressive. To the extent that I was at Clarke Quay and about to be influenced to gulp two bottles of vodka and the next moment I could be anywhere you can imagine. Eee. I wouldn't give this comment if she hadn't been talking like a bimbo and leaning forward. And so much for being professional by sending a wrong message.

Status report for eight weeks of well-spaced events; my initial aim of working hard to cross that bridge failed, by quite some miles in fact. But I managed to get 11 km of map-using, 9th in position and be 33rd fellow to get gold. Of course I'd met the worst kind of selfish person, as well as hypocrites. Not forgetting those who are quieter in nature, those who get bullied for being full of acne, super mario (brothers, imagine pc translating from chinese.. haha!), best buddy, don't care yet get things done when in danger. I don't think they'll be here though.

anw. gtg for dinner. bye! (:

LIne

2009-04-19T08:57:00.002+08:00

My patience is limited with lots of slow traffic around, but here's the quote; "push yourself, go to the limits and you'll find your pot of gold in the end."

LIght up, light on

2009-04-12T10:28:00.005+08:00

A step into a room

The room of light and blindness.

I lifted my head.

A sense of eternity and halo filled my heart.

Someone in black looked towards me

As if she had been waiting for ages.

Within seconds a man in white appeared beside her

And the barrier between all of us

Were merely the table with a good ten pieces of paper.

"Oh no, two on one," was the instant message.

On the defensive end, nothing seemed interesting in this lit up battlefield.

But the welcoming smile and respectful handshake kept my nerves working.

A little.

And so heaven-hell game commenced.

The dark side unleashed her first attacks.

I had heard of these 'y' moves before

As well as the shields warriors had used over time.

Subconsciously I blocked

With the hand-made one prepared minutes earlier.

As much as I hated to bore others,

I polished the building's pillars

Much more than I ever did for my shoes.

Inside out, there was a huge dilemma;

Whether to laugh at such poor acting

Or feel disgusted by this unnatural self.

In this storm I tried bringing new gadgets to fight back,

Only to find those creatures immune to them.

Instead more came flying in.

Of the two the angel seemed more comfortable to target.

But looks are deceiving, as they say.

He appeared more friendly

But his lines were far more deadly;

Tone told it all.

Perhaps my only saviour was the director,

Or maybe crude language.

But every move made was flanked with last bursts of fire

Which is one of the main reasons 23 was the number of the day.

I took too much time

And it would have been my second biggest problem

Had I not mentioned misunderstanding as my theme.

If I never get to this building ever again,

The major fault is the rejection of the angel.

Probably it would be my fault;

My fault for being somewhat illiterate.

Thanks to the four minute helpline anyway

As we await our fitness report in time to come.

And the game has just begun.

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you

But every single time I do

I know we'll make it anywhere

Away from here

Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder

And we'll run for our lives

I can hardly speak I understand

Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes

Makes it so hard not to cry

And as we say our long goodbye

I nearly do

Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder

And we'll run for our lives

I can hardly speak I understand

Why you can't raise your voice to say

Light up, Light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, Louder

And we'll run for our lives

I can hardly speak i understand

Why you can't raise your voice to say....

Space

2009-04-12T00:29:00.002+08:00

hello. terence is some weak sh*t. he does not know how to say no and make others unhappy for his own sake of sleeping earlier. he does not know what to say and what not to say in a formal yet interrogative environment. he does not know how to use synonyms to make his words less boring.

in the end, this piece of lard gets scolding by someone who has 'its' own way of thinking and yet again, he did not reply anything again. in fact, he decided to be rebellious as he began filtering what he didn't want to hear. however, due to his extreme lack of proper rest, he wanted no noise around at all. to do that, all he needed was to drive 'it' away. but he was thinking, going on the o shouldn't be the way to go; after all, being on the d takes much lesser energy. he faithfully stuck to his plan throughout this period. and guess what, it assumed something which wasn't the case. again, he could have given an insulting statement in the most harsh way, but this time he spilled a less harsh one.

this entire scenario repeated several times already. and everytime i reach the climax of this part of the show, i felt like punching my phone against the wall; kicking the pillars of my building and shout right back at it. he knew for every scene there ought to be disputes but this was definitely the worst i've seen so far.

anw. i'll tell more about that crap interviews next time the mango feast and that newspaper breakfast. bye.

Orange Juice

2009-03-29T09:07:00.003+08:00

In a world where you think that technological advancement has reached its potential today, we tend to miss out the fact that humans are usually the critical factor that slows down the transfer of information. And the main cause? It's gotta be the lack of concentration.

Honestly there are tons of things to do by today. I have yet to reply the person the jonas brothers backstreet boys sang about, first of all; I need to develop photographs 'cause I'm running out of it and I'll be in deep trouble if I don't have it in near future. I also need to remember all those supporting crap to label and send and blah blah blah. The main limit is, I've agreed for lunch. In other words, most likely my day is left with less than three hours to work with.

Alright, so why on earth am I here? Oh! The idea of pepper-plus-salt-plus-water combination is such a @#$%^&*, and the moral from here is that, concentration is the key to avoid this crap. "I bet you know what I mean" is the line I heard from my music player now, the one by Ciara... the tune's super nice! Anw, we were playing the guessing thumbs game.

Ok, enough of trash, bye & give a smile to those around ya! (:

problem

2009-03-20T22:14:00.000+08:00

here's the problem.

i don't know what this is, but i'm feeling like a kid now. as much as i'm feeling restless, i'm having quite a headache and for every second i'm having multiple thoughts. suddenly i feel like puking, the other moment i want to yawn. then later cough takes over, and sneezing will be next. something's wrong. i can feel something's not right. but i just don't know how to settle this. i want to sleep but i have lots of things to do. and i keep having really bad dreams. that same bad one that confuses me every night. big problem.

for a period of time i want to jump around, go crazy or maybe carry on reading my book, but the neurones and et cetera just won't let me rest! then one big thing. i keep smelling some kind of thing. it's the cheese-mushroom pasta or smth from pizza hut. i mean, it's not awful but that smell starts to irritate me. even though i've been having block nose for a few days and this still happens!

another thing. i keep telling myself that this is going to be the start of a new fairy tale and i'll be going in that walt disney direction. but i also told myself that in order to do that, i need to cut all those adult language and anw, please please please please please please let me forget what i am supposed to forget and fully concentrate on my sleep. i need to do that. and please please please please please bless people who i know i want to bless and those who needs blessing and those whom i might have forgotten now but i know that i won't when i read this in future to live on with life happily. i know that the final three weeks have been bad such that i didn't pray but i'll do my best to pray for you all.

smiles! (:

I Feel

2009-03-18T20:25:00.002+08:00

I feel that I'm being a water buffalo.
I feel that I'm wasting my time on this island.
I feel like I wasted my two years.
I feel that my childhood dream of magic falling upon me is fake.
I feel that my two balloons inside that cage are going to puncture soon.
I feel that if I don't recover by the end of this month, my cough will be red in colour.
I feel that I'm crap for not studying hard.
I feel that I'm being evil.
I feel like using bad words.
I feel like taking drugs.
I feel like my head is spinning all over.
I feel that I'm losing my game.
I feel that I'm not up for it.

Insane

2009-03-12T23:29:00.002+08:00

hi. that's my favourite word of the week actually. i was thinking, "crazy" doesn't sound nice anymore, then "madness" sounds a little too... hmm. never mind, just take it as a taboo. or i'll be in trouble if so-and-so reads it. so ta-dah! my word of the week! (: haha.

so i'm having four visible blisters, or rather, big enough to be seen. one on my left sole, one on my left toe (the biggest one), one on another left toe (the smallest one) and one on my right toe (the smallest one). they look horrible, but nothing beats the one on my sole! the desire to burst that is so tremendous that i've been trying to balance myself on this thing. but then, i'm a little thick skin. so i'm trying!

humans are a bunch of insane creatures who are selfish by nature. that's a fact, and it all depends on how much we want to control.

i got to know different groups of people. and i think one of them looked humorous, like worms the game. with specs of course, but he's super nice! and can switch roles quite incredibly! (:

Brave And Daring

2009-02-22T01:16:00.005+08:00

honestly things have not been going well for my friends, increasingly. for orientation, some individuals' selfishness disgusted me and the worst was that the supposed better shows were either photocopied from the previous year or made with poor presentation. in other words, they were bad.

i was also talking to jojo. he said he saw it on the newspaper the previous night, and immediately i got real mad about myself, just because on that night i was flipping it through and even browsed through it, almost every column about it for quite awhile. but the thing was, i could miss it entirely! then late that night i felt i was such a disappointment for being so unattentive.

there were shocks along the way, including a story that wayne told during one of the densely vegetated nights. so in total, there're three this month. jojo was telling me why there're so many this month huh? all i could think was, oh, you've no idea how many out there there are! every time i think of either of the three, anyone outside will see that extra layer of water at my eye. can't help it, they just come naturally. these situations are becoming lesser now, but i'm still learning to control them. besides, i'm sure they'll stay strong.

talking about learning, this month i've been trying to control myself what not to do, what not to say. everything here needs to think through, its purpose, its plan and its outcome. thankfully jess warned me just now, but i'm still afraid that i might still cross the line between 'friend' and 'rude'.

one happier moment is that my cousin's bf just proposed to her up on the concert on 15th! the funny thing was that the bf wrote in to radio station to exp why he wanted the tickets, so at the concert, almost every one working at the concert knew and gave them two special seats. in the end, the concert wasn't really a concert after all. on youtube, some ml even video-ed it! so funny la!

Dear Lord, i can imagine how it feels to be in all my friends' shoes, the sense of feeling why time couldn't be on our side; the sense that we could all spend our time better. please bless them to be back on track no matter what happens as soon as possible, gain experience from life and take good care of their health. bless their families to stay strong too and get through the bad times. let them have faith in themselves that with Your guidance and Your strength, they will pull it through. and i'm sorry to say this prayer here, but i do hope that everyone else can also learn from this to spend time more efficiently. i pray.

The Game Is On Again

2009-02-08T15:08:00.002+08:00

this day my dad decided that he was going to toa payoh even though the initial plan was to go to paya lebar.

when we were heading to this wrong direction, i was really scared and afraid that i might bump into people and try to strike a conversation even though i wish to. i was even more afraid that all those times would cramp into my head and i would lose my real identity when i meet them. in fact, i kept seeing that i would look away even if i not want to when these people appear. after all, it's a sunday and people do move around for healthy social activities.

then, i told myself, don't forget what you have been praying for all these days and that your prayers will be answered, which was how i gave up on fearing of what was about to happen.

and guess what? we went to paya lebar. dad said they sound a little similar, but as usual, that wasn't too convincing. so all these insane thoughts were pointless. later, we went to somewhere near north bridge road, which made me laugh and drove me mad about what i was thinking earlier. hmm. such a complicated mind.

honestly, i find that i'm one who cannot express or describe things well. so whatever i think is different from what i speak out even if i try to, then whatever i say is usually heard differently from what i speak. and when what goes into my head is different from what i hear, nothing's right. aiyo. such complex insensible brain.

here's a line picked, a poor excuse for what i'm doing, but it's still true. in fact, sometimes i think that the truth hurts more than others. playing a game with an upper hand is always good, but never be complacent as any slip-ups - especially with handphones - can be quite costly.

pray

2009-02-01T09:50:00.002+08:00

thanks for the blessings given so far. i know everything happening on me are the best things i can possibly get,despite all the pains. i'm grateful, and please shower them to all my friends too. they must be trying to live on with their lives now, but please do bless them to stay healthy, stay happy. some might have forgotten me by now, but please guide them to move in the right way in life. then all those who think that they are blur or are actually blur, please let them to take that one step boldly and be confident. for those that i have lost trust in, please allow me to try accept their situation and please do not let me have the mind of playing them around. one last thing, please bless them to have a good week ahead. i pray.

celebs

2009-01-26T17:20:00.002+08:00

anyone here looking for similarities should check 陳法拉 out. she looks extremely similar to marie! i just found this today actually, but another thing i remembered. last time i saw this: 冇力申 instead of 方力申. the wrong name sounds so wrong la! (:

lessons of life

2009-01-25T23:01:00.002+08:00

a person is the weakest when:
- it lays everything it has onto something; there will be nothing left of it underneath since its depth has been shown to the world. so when others know what your trump cards are your chances of winning in any game is close to zero.
- it thinks that the people around it are trustworthy enough to keep secrets, but in actual fact, none of them are. so even if it believes that it is in control of the game as the dictator, when it doesn't know that the rest have been relaying info around there's always a potential comeback, which means that the one who thinks that it is leading usually won't win anything, at all.

Last New Year

2009-01-25T19:49:00.002+08:00

Last new year I gave you my heart
But the following months you threw it away.
This year, to save me from tears
I'll try to forget all of them.

Last new year I gave you my heart
But the following months you threw it away.
This year, to save me from tears
I'll try to forget, I'll try to forget them all.

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby, do you recognise me?
Well, it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me.

"Happy new year," I typed it all and sent it.
With a note saying, "please take care," I meant it.
Now I know what a fool I'd been,
But if you kissed me now, I know you'd fool me again.

Last new year I gave you my heart
But the following months you threw it away.
This year, to save me from tears
I'll try to forget all of them.

Last new year I gave you my heart.
But the following months you threw it away.
This year, to save me from tears
I'll try to forget, I'll try to forget them all.

A crowded room, friends with tired eyes.
I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice.
I thought you were someone to rely on.
Me, I guess I was a shoulder to cry on.

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart.
It's her undercover but you tore me apart.
And when I find a real love, you'll never fool me again.

Last new year I gave you my heart
(I give you my heart)
But the following months you threw it away.
(You threw it away)
This year, to save me from tears
I'll try to forget all of them.
(I'll try to forget them all)

Last new year I gave you my heart
But the following months you threw it away.
(You threw it away)
This year, to save me from tears

Last new year, last new year
I'll try to forget them all.
I'll try to forget, I'll try to forget them all.

Awareness

2009-01-24T17:47:00.002+08:00

Hi, good day.

i need to be extra careful since there might be some people out there who can find this place and accuse me for whatever reasons. and i think i will keep my thoughts to whatever i observe and feel from now onwards. pardon if this sounds weird.

anyway, i find it rather amusing when cheers, lines and quotes are found in msn messages in almost everyone that i probably know, or maybe those that i don't even know. so actually i was wondering what will others who have no idea what on earth was happening think about those lines. perhaps just skimp through? or believe that these people are possessed? or maybe think that they are bunch of people in their own world? those thoughts have been there since morning, and it's such a pity that i remember to pen them down.

oh. i met someone called angelina kiwi. well, i cannot give real name since i might get into 茶煲 if i do. so basically these are the things i can type here.

another thing. i was told that i must bring a photo of someone (to remember, i think), which gives me a weird feeling altogether.

you're on your own now. just focus on what you should do and forget those nostalgia feelings.
what's done's done and cannot be undone.

survey

2009-01-08T22:23:00.003+08:00

usually this is what organisers would want to get participants the max out of what they go through;
basically, i am thinking that so what if you throw the worst case scenario at me, as long as you don't teach me anything, there is no reason i would lose my life. besides, i'm expecting instructors to give orders loud and clear once so all i need to do is to be attentive. also, i wish to understand my group well enough so that we bond as one. lastly i want to learn how life changes for me before and after everything. one more thing, i hope i don't become handicapped.

that was just a starter. perhaps a poor one. often nothing serious means nothing comes here, but today the slightest thing means ------- yeap you get my drift. oh btw. the number of dashes mean nothing. anw. i learnt smth today. getting trust of someone is not easy, trusting someone is even harder. considering i trusted someone with all those funny and interesting stories and ideas mentioned, this day made me realise that, or maybe, reminded me that in this world the harsh reality of the masked identity still exists. i won't deny that people still need these for several reasons of whatever they maybe, but as the saying goes, don't lie when there is no need to. hmm. i just lost my flow of words. so, i just hope this someone won't feel too sensitive about whatever that happened. and all the best for you and your life ahead. maybe we'll meet again. anw. it's just another rambling from a really tired person who WAS AWOKEN BY THE STUPID CONSTRUCTION SITE DOWNSTAIRS at 8 am. and this person never took a nap since. EVER SINCE. and ignore this post please. so embarrassing! oh. don't tag also. aiyo. anw. byee! (: hmm... smile! (: give one if you can! (:

learnt

2009-01-08T09:28:00.002+08:00

今日学到一样野:冇必要就唔好讲大话.
不过,"感"都有样好"既",起码自己知道伊条契弟仲有d"野"隐瞒.
以家我都开始对他失去咗小小信心.

bunch of sticks and twigs

2009-01-08T00:03:00.002+08:00

i was playing badminton on monday and ended up with back, right forearm, right shoulder and calves aching all over. it lasted throughout the whole of last night :(

yesterday, there was this buffet that bloated me up with lots of food. somemore we got cheated by the staff there when they didn't tell us of the time we spent there :(
after that, there was l4d and it was horrible. i almost wanted to puke! to tiring to stare at the bright com in the dark room :(
jojo was with me then, so we took the bus all the way to thomson. sadly, we had to buy wire mesh and charcoal, walking through long distances across the whole of that stretch of road. the troublesome thing was, we went to shopnsave for charcoal, then zone minimart for mesh. especially the amount of time spent walking!
i got some medicine along the way. in guardian, to be precise, only to find that there was no farmerc at all. so i had to settle with some other house brand ):
during the bbq at gabby's place, i ate little; really little. all that went in was a half cup of root beer, few slices of ruffles, a sausage, few pieces of sausage sushi and a three-quarter full of mixed alcohol ): the thing that was so bad was that my stomach was growling for disaster almost all the time!
then there was the game; ultimate code (just translate yourself). the stake was two pieces of sushi first. then it was three later; guys three, girls two. it so happened for me that i had to take the forfeit twice in a row after someone else got it. the funny part was that i didn't even finish mine from the previous round!
when food ran out, we turned to alcohol that chiongers brought. mine was ginger-based and it was really strong! ):
anw. must thank eunice for serving lazy bums like us at the pit and gabby for her wonderful place. (:
oh! we took pictures too!
i almost died when i came back ):

x'mas day

2008-12-30T13:59:00.002+08:00

bad day gone good

basically my first few days were addressed, somehow or another, or maybe even misunderstanding, but after christmas nothing was. i think it'll be forgotten rather soon, but all i know is that that silent night of city walk and reading of things, dreams will always stay as themselves - dreams.

Kristen Stewart

2008-12-19T01:05:00.001+08:00

Hi. This is going to be an extremely extremely extremely long post, considering the fact that terence wasted two words in his first sentence.

So, yesterday I watched quantum on my computer, again, in the morning. Then later when I was going out I began to feel like I was bond, with all those movement of the eyes and so on. Then today, after I was watching twilight, together with some bloodshot eyes of mine, I thought I was Edward Cullen. These don’t mean much, but they show that the two hours or so of sitting in a dark room with only one screen that flashes light for each movie has the ability to influence one completely.Generally for the show, I was thinking, having complete different backgrounds for two people and coming together was the ultimate dream of mine, just like how my school life started a year or so ago. Although I still feel a little strange about the love at first sight idea, it cannot really leave me. After all, sometimes it’s just the charisma that attracts people; or perhaps, that one special thing.

Then I thought there was substantial development in the movie itself. The show lasted around two hours; and while some characters might have better portrayed with more features shown to the audience, it was generally good. Jess and Meena were disappointed with the lack of elaboration of the book itself, but I thought that this story was deliberately done this way to attract audience of different age groups. What happened was, simply, a love story where the characters came from different backgrounds, and this could have attracted the youths much. Also, with the personal perspective from Bella Swan, I thought that this sort of telling the whole story, or rather, her story, was quite a new way given the methods movies have used lately. And in a way it gave the surprise element to Bella and the audience as she unfolds her story as she meets the evil people.

Talking about characters, I thought that the Cullen dad, Dr. Carlisle, was charismatic. He didn’t play much role in the movie, but I thought that his posture and the way he walks in here gave me the impression that he knows how to handle things well, be it his work as a doctor or his job as the father of the family. Honestly I admire these characters for the fact that when roles that appear for a short time yet displaying his entire character is never easy, and he was good.

The idea of using Google as part of the plot was overused, but I always had the fantasy to know how Google allowed specific searches when the typed any particular key word or something. So it reminded me to think about it again.

The funny and dumb thing everyone was talking about was the part when the camera person decided to go round the two characters with them just plainly staring at each other. I thought that the scene was wasted when all it showed was the woods. They were nice, but that was overdoing.

There was one baseball scene in here and the action and cgi was rather impressive. Together with the music, those slo-mo times were portrayed well. Then speaking of scenes, there was one part which showed Bella getting intimate, which also kind of showed her figure too. There was one conclusion; pretty hot. Then when you add onto the high nose and glittering eyes and bunny teeth with pale red lipstick, she was gorgeous. However, there were some things I didn’t like about her. She sounded like a boy trying to tell his story in a monotone at some lines of the narration, she didn’t sound as forceful and authoritative when she was “shouting” to Edward when he was driving. And the last thing, she’s with Edward already.

There was one general food-for-thought. It’s either food or love; it depends which one you can give up. So to be able to give up like what Edward did it takes courage to resist temptation of not eating your love. That’s the difficult thing in life. Oh. I thought that the ability to read minds except for your loved one is maybe the thing one needs; to safeguard from potential attackers and keep the motivation to know more about your loved one. I’d love to have that please!

Surprisingly I didn’t cry at those touching moments when they were quite sad. But in any case, this made me want to read the book! (: I won’t mind watching that again too! (:

oh. Left for dead was crazy with five hours of play and my eyes hurt, but fun though.

chinese language lesson one

2008-12-18T01:26:00.002+08:00

伊个世界有很多契弟。不過好在唔紧要，佢有佢自己吵，我有我自己做。理得你死人癛楼，你再吵都唔关我Q事。今天已经很温和了，再多粗口我都唔趋。试我啊，笨！正百佳。

colourful

2008-12-17T00:26:00.002+08:00

hi.

today the class met for sash's supposed last dinner before he leaves, then john decided to be nice and give him a facial mask cream or smth, that was black in colour. so nice right!

during frisbee game earlier in the day, i was the only blue person amongst the white team after our opponents were in blue and dark blue. i replaced rachel boey who was in white after re-choosing of teams. oh btw. she injured and wish she gets well soon. aaron was extra hardworking in the sense that he threw all by himself in order to master his huck after months not touching the disc.

in the cinema of pitch darkness, the show "nick and norah's infinite playlist" was based in a night in nyc with ember-orangey street lamps in dark backgrounds. during the show with su and selle, i could almost picture the pre-climax part was filled with red heart-shaped balloons. but they didn't appear though. sadly. then when the supporting actress was trying to be the villain and seduce the lead actor with strip scenes, she wore purple, a symbol of devilish character, as many evil people do. john cho, the hype man, was retarded with red t-shirt and suspenders on a stage with a cheat-money band, but i guess that's the idea. generally that's an ok show. quite sweet-loving sort. but in fact, that transition between nothing to something is really difficult, on cameras or in real life, so credit to the casts. but the problem is that the lead actor is too blur and too much of a loser face to hook to someone like the lead actress! oh. she's a music studio's owner's daughter. the thing i don't like about her is her super thick red lipstick. looks scary. anw. i don't mind having friends to find a gf for me that is suitable btw. any suggestions? (:

some kuku like kj and matthias decided to be cheeky and shout out some name. then sash got involved and interrogated me on the bus. the only impression that name had for sash was white.

meena said she was going to have orange hair soon. it'll be exciting! (:

if some friend of mine thinks that colours around are fading, i'll colour myself for her. **ily** haha! (:

Bridge

2008-12-14T18:16:00.002+08:00

hey i've been into a mental block when it comes to writing something that is of any worth or substantial. but today, i was in a dilemma between the two words, obsession and passion.

when we look at the first word it tends to give the negative impression of one described this way. nerds or muggers or anti-social bumbums usually fall into this category, where they will cut off their relations with the world. sometimes, this is momentarily when one decides that he or she wants to spend time alone with the thing to concentrate on. this can be good in a sense that prevents one from losing focus - like those gamers 24/7 - as he or she thinks hard to outwit the producers of the game. however, when this ritual is practised for long, these people won't be "pro" anymore. rather, they should be labelled as addicts.

on the other hand, passion sounds much more positive. as in, we might relate that with something sacred, or something within and emotional, for an inner drive to one's behaviour is perceived as normal and generally accepted. passion of the christ fans the movie serves as a remembrance to mankind that one's will, or for that matter, passion, can be a form of sacrifice and to highlight that not everyone can claim aloud that he or she can do the same. so to do good like what the Lord did we ought to start sacrificing the littlest things and understand the value of this passion of giving. apart from movies, passion.com is a place that allows people with the same interests to stay connected. with this function online, people can update one another on what they love. the irony is, for people outside this social circle tend to view these people as abnormal and odd, or loners, or obsessed bunch. so, i think i'll be humpty dumpty for now.

anw. i watched hsm some time ago and the storyline quality was comparable to city ember; focused too much on details. the songs were slightly better. just slightly. oh! i loved tiara gold's role even though it was puny. just found that she was Jemma McKenzie-Brown. cool.

Half way there

2008-12-13T16:23:00.003+08:00

hi. i think i am quite successful in forgetting miss E so far and all i did was to put pictures right in front of me all around for weeks and tell myself how pointless they are. oh. soon enough i'll be free! (:

Lines of Wisdom

2008-12-10T21:27:00.004+08:00

Hey! Here's what I read these days from magazines even though meena and jess had brought me to National Library Board, listen well; NLB! to read fiction. the worse thing was that i didn't seem comfy there at all. anyway, in the end i managed to read one section of meena's book. it was quite nice to picture what it meant actually. SO, those are the lines i took out, quite interesting actually.

"The closer we are to something - an event, a person, an object - the more nuances (subtle differences) we see. By contrast, the farther away we are, the greater (and less accurate) the generalisations we make. And so when the comparisons to the Great Depression are flashed on cable-news crawls, it's all about the desire to fit everything into a snapshot" -Dan Ariely, a behavioural economist at Duke University and author of "Predictably Irrational Don't we feel this way most of the time?

Barack Obama, with his initials, can be misread as Body Odour

10 Downing Street in Britain is the equivalent to The White House in USA

Adam Smith was a Scottish but John Maynard Keynes was an Englishman, and one of the differences between these identities are that English planted flags, but Scots ran the banks and funded building of railways So who's greater? (:

The new First Lady (Michelle Obama) will have... to knock down ugly stereotypes about black women; she will be a daily reminder that we're not all hotheaded (act forcefully), foaming-at-the-mouth (angry) drug addicts, always ready with a quick one-liner and a roll of the eyes. The last part tells a lot about what how terrorising men thought these people were...

Can we start recognising that just because something does not change doesn't mean that it cannot change?... You measure the blood pressure, heart rate, weight and other aspects of cardiovascular health of thousands of coach potatoes year after year. The numbers hardly change, so you conclude that they're unchangeable. But you neglected to test whether a little thing called aerobic exercise might change them. So it's with personality. Just because it seems stable over the years doesn't mean it's immutable This is the kind of confusion that I have at times, and I thought that this was quite easy to get it haha.

Oh! Lately, I've been listening to Jesse McCartney's Departure songs in depth. I kinda feel how a songwriter thinks at times, and the thoughts too, but definitely not the way with the previous album, or two years and a week ago. Looking back at how dumb and daring I was when I browsed through my ex-simcard, I definitely would have felt embarrassed if I were to do that now. haha how different things are.

movies

2008-12-08T19:48:00.002+08:00

hi. i watched city of ember yesterday and bolt today.

city of ember was quite nice if you take note of the little details built in this underground city, called ember. as in, any piece of information or furniture was used aptly and they fit into the whole plot completely. however, if you are the type that prefer to see how the storyline flows, this is definitely not the one you'd like. perhaps more if the salesperson told you "oh, it's about two kids trying to save the city". it was that simple; just two seconds and maybe even lesser! anyway, back to that story, the climax leaned more to the adventurous part rather than good versus evil. the worst part here was this, the villain was killed by some creature out of nowhere and that creature was brought into the scene abruptly with a poor introduction. lastly the ending was summed up with narration. it was quite heart-warming when those characters were looking back at how much they had gone through. anyway, despite the story being like that, i thought that the lead actress was quite pretty. she's not the kind that you'll see in princesses or smth, but all her things on her face seemed to fit pretty well. oh then the little girl was super cute too!! (:

bolt was another typical disney movie. those with themes of misunderstanding, self-belief and heroes saving the day. generally it was nice with anti-climax scenes, but definitely bad with too many, especially when the notion revolves around acting and pretences. in fact, too many came in here. and that anti-climax became an expected norm ironically. it was good generally with a distinct contrast between the human world and animal world at times, but the ridiculous mission trip was way too crazy. still, the adventure would be smth i'd love to experience, even though the sense of loneliness and emptiness would be smth i won't want. yeap. but the combination of john travolta and miley cyrus was rather odd, even though the voices matched a little. (:

anw. i learnt alot these days, on birthdays of boonping and jocelyn (:

Korean

2008-12-08T01:20:00.002+08:00

alright. guess what. terence decided to learn smth he never knew. all on his own. in fact, i think from what googled through, "oppa" in korean means big brother, but in some cases people relate them as boyfriends instead. i feel kind of proud of this self-learning since i was reading chunks and chunks of explanation and examples and managed to summarise this to smth so short! the more incredible thing was that someone said i looked like korean actor. that person must be blind btw. anw. so to pave my superstardom path, i need to learn that new language. nothing else matters now haha (:

and, i hope to understand some people and solve their problems, even if they seem to be a little monstrous. yeap. i wish.

photograph

2008-12-05T23:20:00.003+08:00

Hi. I feel uncomfortable every time that photograph emerges from my desktop. ::wink wink:: yeap that one ::wink wink:: those pixels and bytes were the ones that would and could make me stop and stare. normally for a normal person seeing this from a normal perspective, the mix of colours is nice and everything's fine. however, it just sends me goosebumps when you know how that the situation of taking this pic wasn't that pleasant at all. yeap. just tried to clear a little of my doubt actually. that's all!

and. i had an unpleasant shock when i had an email update two days ago from that rss feed or smth, i was super happy at first, but then later realised that it was fake. well i guess ppl are getting smarter these days!! (:

Oh! I like ne-yo's song; Miss Independent. super nice!

Ooh
It's something about; Just something about
The way she moved
I can't figure it out; There's somethingAbout her (About her)
Say ooh; There's something About
Kinda women That want you But don't need you
Hey I can't figure it out
There's something About her

Cuz she walk like a boss; Talk like a boss
Manicured nalis Just sent The pedicure off
She's fly effortlessly
Cuz she move like a boss; Do what a boss Do
She got me thinking About getting involved
That's the kinda girl I need

She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Won't you come and spend a little time?
She got her own thing
That's why I love her
Miss independent
Ooh The way you shine
Miss independent
Hey, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeahhh, mmm

Ooh There's something About
Kinda woman That can do It for herself
I look at her And it makes me proud
There's something About her
There something Ooh So sexy
About the kinda women That don't even Need my help
She says she got it She got it
No doubt There's something About her

Cuz she work Like the boss Play like the boss
Car and a crib; She about To pay em both off
And her bills Are paid on time
She made for a boss Soley a boss
Anything less She's telling em To get lost
That's the girl That's on my mind

She got her own thing; That's why I love her
Miss independent, Won't you come And spend A little time?
She got her own thing That's why I love her
Miss independent Ooh The way you shine
Miss independentYeah, yeahhh

Her favourite thing Is to say "Don't worry I got it" And everything she got
Best believe She bought it
She gon steal my heart Ain't no doubt about it
Girl Your everything I need
Said your everything I need

She got her own thing That's why I love her
Miss independent, Wont you come And spend a little time?
She got her own thing That's why I love her
Miss independent Ooh the way you shine
Miss independent
That's why I love her

haha smile people!! (:

Supermassive

2008-12-05T13:26:00.002+08:00

Mosh-ing at supermassive was very fun! and i just learnt what 'mosh' meant yesterday. cos what happened was, ppl would crowd in front of the stage in support for the rockers on stage. then later some idiots would deliberately disturb others, like flicking their wet sweaty hairs all over the place, after which people would get started to crash with that kuku. sometimes like domino effect or smth, more people get hit by this crash. and in a really really really short time, for the fun or retaliation or smth, they fight back. so ppl would start to push around. some ppl would be scared to push others, so they would be at the edge of this mosh party. others would try to walk around those crazy people to another corner of the stage to continue to watch the bands playing. in fact, i was amused how some people were quite good at moshing. i mean, that technique was so well mastered; to break into a wall of people, they tend to look for a little opening between two ppl, then later they'll use their shoulder, either side, to bang onto one poor soul while there was kind of less action and trouble. once that person's pushed to the front, then the 'door' seemed to be opened and so that pusher got his space. another thing was that during a mosh, to bang into a crowd, ppl would spin in there, either with arms spread or elbows shown. no matter how violent that could be, there was only part that ppl would go for; the torso area. noobs who don't know this trick would never dare to try this method. this is so effective and safe when no one; and i mean no one, would leave their hands straight down in that part of the crowd. they'd either raise their hands to wave or clap to the beat, so in a way the hands are quite prepared for all kinds of crap that might come along. anw. waking at this time despite having construction upstairs shows how much supermassive has mashed up my life.

oh. btw. i was at the edge of crowd and derk was walking around the crowd when that happened.

alright, now i'm confused after some counselling. at burger king.

and i thought the idea of being "caught" at ps was quite funny, especially when that spy said someone in black and short. honestly that spy must be blind cos that person in black dress was tall by nature and wore heels! and that spy failed cos there was no way it could be "behind" (as what that sms said) me when i was in front of a wall. haha i think that spy was quite a loser.

Smile (:

2008-12-03T22:52:00.000+08:00

Terence is writing this with a heaviest heart, ever. For this supposedly the last post about this person, I’ll try to do a profile of this person.

Or maybe not; for the run-aways and that kind of forced expression weren’t the best ways to sum up everything. Perhaps I was being a little critical about that one picture alone. Hmm. Anyway, I tried to dig out excuses that telling backside some time ago had burst the bubble. It seemed the perfect excuse for any fifty-fifty chances available, but I guess this shouldn’t be blaming on others. Rather, this ought to have the thing that I can remember only.

So, I think what I was doing was something like what nw has been doing; scaring others freakily. In fact, I could act normally to anyone else, but just not to her. To be honest, I always had the impression that she was at so high level compared to me that I could never reach, and that made me admire this character at first. Later, however, things cooled down so much that seemed annoying to both of us.

I think she’s not that photogenic, especially when photos don’t reflect well. Normally she looks really good, but somehow photo on grad day was a little off, and on prom, she looked a little worried and that kinda set the mood for the picture even though she had quite a nice dress, earrings and necklace. In any sense, they don’t quite mean anything now.

Alright. I’m done with my last post, I guess and I just hope we’ll stay on as friends. ”smile!”

Time's Out

2008-11-30T10:04:00.002+08:00

It's over. and just want to live my life without any vvorries. Goodbye. My so-called wish was out and thanks for spoiling. To you, whoever you are.

Crazy Dream

2008-11-26T00:21:00.002+08:00

I had this mad dream last night.

It happened in an enclosed office in a high-rise building with no furniture. And there held a competition between two teams, playing a game which is similar to american football, this time round using a frisbee disc. Then surprisingly there was only one team that was leading and playing well all the way. Coincidentally that was mine and the game went on and on... until someone in the opposing team came in. That person wore lime-green (how odd!!) sports gear. After that, I suddenly realised that this female person looked smth like nerissa. But the funny thing was that she was called 'Grimsmith' instead (what dumdum name!!). It turned out so wierd that I felt awkward and even started to give the disgusted face when I woke up. Till now. eww!

aiyo. life's crazy. cya soon! (:

Surprised

2008-11-25T01:24:00.002+08:00

Oh. Hi! As the title mentioned, it's plentiful today.

Firstly, I never thought I'd be going for prom shopping with Andrew and Lucas at j8 ever since I was kind of shy and yadayada... Anyway, they were really nice people and the alcohol experiences were interesting. Also, they gave quite good advices too.

Then, I gave liselle 23 missed calls for anthea's thing. Beat that! Hope it surprised her... haha

We were supposed to say 'happy birthday' when everyone of us appear at door number 19 coincidentally at each station all the way to changi airport, just for anthea. It didn't quite work out but the excitement was there. yup. The funny thing was that because they took quite a while we had the time to go for soya bean ice cream. Sounds crazy but that was it.

The conversation at airport as a group was enlightening. With the table occupied by anthea, darylchan, aggie, gavrielle, joy, ianshan, majella, ngeederk, liselle, myself, andre & shufei, there were quite a lot of words of wisdom going around and there's a sense of inspiration going in. Oh. Elisabeth from shufei's class lost her phone and I hope she finds it. yup. And had to thank anthea's mum for treating, hope she gets her loads of candies in that candy house. haha.

One thing; today I heard people - not too many, two only - telling their paktorh stories. I don't mean the official kinda dating, but the starts that they said were quite interesting. But the first thing that came to my mind was "what's the world up to now man?! Is this the mating season? Or maybe, dating season?" btw, krygsman and clara told their stories. I think I'm a little jealous then, but I'm never ready to feel that way. yeap.

~smile!! (:

The winner takes it all

2008-11-23T01:56:00.003+08:00

I don't wanna talk about the things we've gone through though it's hurting me.
Now it's history. I've played all my cards, and that's what you've done to.
Nothing more to say; no more ace to play.

The winner takes it all; the loser standing small. Beside the victory; that's her destiny.
I was in your arms, thinking I belong there. I figured it made sense building me a fence.
Building me a home, thinking I'd be strong there. But I was a fool, playing by the rules.
The Gods may throw the dice, their minds as cold as ice. And someone here loses someone dear.

The winner takes it all; the loser has to fall. It's simple and it's plain; why should I complain?

Tell me does she kiss like I used to kiss you? Does it feel the same when she calls your name? Somewhere deep inside I must know I miss you. Now what can I say? Rules must be obeyed.

The judges will decide the likes of me abide. Spectators of the show always staying low. The game is on again; the lover or a friend. A big thing or small, the winner takes it all.

I don't wanna talk, 'cause it makes me feel sad. And I understand, you've come to shake my hand.
I apologise if it makes you feel bad. Seeing me so tense; no self confidence. But you see; the winner takes it all. The winner takes it all.
The game is on again; the lover or a friend. A big thing or small, the winner takes it all.

The winner takes it all.

Oh. This song stayed with me for the night. anw. I was at Cafe Vic in Carlton for some belated celebration and really, the food was very nice and I ate from start to finish. Then during which, I happened to bump into an ex-schoolmate, only to find out that he was jervis from class 5 in mss. He was working there and I wanted some food from him. So he was a little reluctant to give me with his body tilted to one side, suggesting that he wasn't going to give me my food unless I fulfill his demand. He then said, "are you from m-------". Meanwhile I was still stunned by his action that made me pause for seconds. When I finally got him, I told him, then he replied, "oh you look familiar..." I got my food in the end, but that moment of seeing a schoolmate was quite a surprise, the gesture was funnier.

~smile! and those previous posts just meant that i'm not too happy without that bit of courage

Weekly update

2008-11-21T18:23:00.004+08:00

18Nov08, 2322

As I am trying to stay awake at this hour, I am still thinking about what happened today. leong cried for leaving ten questions out for phys mcq. meanwhile i had a little more luck than he did. i circled one of the question numbers on the shading sheet way before the paper ended and then when the chief person said stop i anyhow whacked and shaded option c. just then the female ghost invigilator came by to say stop. fortunately i managed to erase my circled marking and carried on all question answered. but actually i felt a little sorry for him when his face was controlling not to cry with his cheek muscles vibrating, and really vibrating, and his mouth uncontrollably widening.

Anyway, right before the phys paper started I was in foul luck to have an invigilator who looks like a female ghost. I mean, it's true that she looks scary. Really, she was damn skinny, wore white top and black short skirt. Then the skirt is made of smth like stocking material (it was extremely annoying to find it floating past my desk for so many times)! Worst of all, there was blood red lipstick. Together with her untidy curly hair let down, it was the disaster. Man, no joke!

I was struggling to put myself to character not to feel isolated with jher, and being able to tell momma that my freq. is failing while subconscious kinda tells me that nothing's going right.

19Nov08, 2348

Dreamt of jher this morning (: but I kinda forgot how it was like. Anyway, it wasn't as fun or exciting as wished.

20Nov08, 2244

Frisbee day.
Piong was super funny, and scary. When we were on the pitch and I got hit with a disc swung towards me, she tried hard to convince me that it meant something good, "When it hits your neck, then the plastic will go into your blood and then your neck and shoulder will grow stronger... Oh! Then you'll be spiderman..." Ridiculous right!! After the match, she started to sing any song whenever she heard any word familiar. She was singing 'Home' from the national day n years ago while we were walking from the pitch to market for dinner. The way everyone tried to stop her from singing was funny and that silence was hilarious! While we were eating our table had a drink on the house after buying seven cups of sugar cane drink. We wanted to offer the other table where piong was. they bought seven cups too before us and she decided that she needed to fight for her rights. so after hearing how we got an extra cup, her eyes suddenly glowed with anger as she tried to ask the uncle... aggie and rachel later told her not to get too angry (or smth) but she said she was going to 'talk to the uncle nicely', but anyone could feel that she was going to kill him (in any way).

Oh! There was some kind of argument about boots too. Alvin got a stab by sharp things when someone stepped on him and then hongtaa got so serious with the president of the other team, N"a"P. Then after the match, the president said something about his responsibility for telling 'his guys' to follow the rules when he told his opposition not to wear boots. I was quite fine with that statement, but the way he spoke was a little too fidgety. yup.

Then there was the embarrassment of the day. I was a little tired after playing for two points I think and was supposed to mark a short and fat guy. I'd be nice not to describe him this way if he had been not so cocky. 'Cause when it was our turn to defend he gave the grin that seem to say "heehee. hi kid! you're going down!" I tried to be a little nice then and gave the "oh hi..." smile, but this fella immediately gave the backlash and did runs up and down, and before I knew it he scored the first point for their side. One of the team people asked who was supposed to be marking him, which made me feel ultimately bad for letting the other team get theirs.

Speaking for our side's points, most of them came from hucks and sprints from half of the field, kj taking a number for us. I remembered scoring a point in the last game, but that was a fluke when it wasn't meant for me. Either way, that was my luck of the moment. haha.

Another incident was when I was defending. I was marking some guy then and he did a swing - a backhand one - and I blocked it. I was very sure that the disc hit my hand and I didn't hit him, but he decided to give the call that I fouled him. If I had been a little anal I'd protest for it, but thank goodness it was just a friendly. phew!

The face-off between Alvin and kj was hilarious with both wanting to get on top of each other verbally. I can't really describe, but two of them can simply make the other go "wah lao, you win", yep that sort.

Hongtaa without specs was funny. Because there was a construction where people would join metal pieces together and create sparks, hongtaa thought that there were fireworks and until a long time later did he realise that he was blind all these while and when he finally told us what was really happening, everyone gave the -.- face and turned away. super funny!

21Nov08 (now)
I was guessing the song to squeeze just now at the first squeeze and I was right!! so happy! it was "it's over" by jesse mccartney btw.
And I just figured out that facebook has a lot of pictures that might be fun. Not bad for someone new to this huh? haha (:

Tolerance

2008-11-16T21:41:00.011+08:00

Time's running out. I had killed my time for the day with, nothing. Well actually, I felt like I had been on drugs the whole day - all I remembered was lunch, msn, dinner and ten questions of mcq which could have been completed in twenty minutes. Yes, terence is in deep trouble, and as I'm working on my fingers now, I don't think I know what exactly I'm doing. If there was a camera in front, I would look like I'm paralysed or smth. To add onto that, I'm giving the expressionless dumb face with dying eyes. oh no. I'm tired.

If I'm tired, then why on earth I'm wasting time on this place with practically three people who can open it? Anyway, I just thought of what jojo said about o1 a few days ago. The first thing he said was about groupings; at first I was a little excited for the pairings that had so much swaps and shuffling, but he went on to talk about the specific pairing(s). He said about eunice's group that created trouble for the committee people, and then later on why I was paired with the eventual partner. I was paired with su in the end, and jojo illustrated it with a question. You know why rhe(yza) was had roderick as partner? Just then and only then had I seen the light about most council guys, especially michael kc and jojo, laughed at me when the pairings were released just before the mae sot trip. I know I shouldn't write this, but this whole scene with jojo's talk just struck me for this boring day.

I'm supposed to tell carceng about the taboo on tuesday after much trouble disturbing my study for chem. But I know deep down that this is something like wishing before a birthday cake; once you wish out loud, it will never realise. Still, as I was reading some things I wrote long time ago they sounded quite funny; some had all sorts of Singlish, others gave me goosebumps and a sense of awkwardness and embarrassment. Thank goodness they're hidden in one corner of the house. And honestly, I think hand-written journals have more sentimental value, and they reflect on the person's character then. or at least for me, especially when i just love to read my strange kind of handwriting. haha.

oh! leona lewis' forgive me is the song with beats that can keep me going. wanted to post the video but the trouble told me not to. yup.

~smile! no worries!! (:

Covering fire with tissue paper

2008-11-15T01:07:00.002+08:00

Thinking of this title just makes me all the more immature. Anyway, I genuinely think that the word "life" is overused. Often bums on the radio just love to say this with the cool feeling that. Just minutes ago, some kid whose voice was in the midst of breaking was telling the dj that he was going to "enjoy ~". Then the first thing that came to my mind was, do you really know what that means, little goat?

Speaking about that, I'm beginning to feel that the future is as good as a cloudy crystal ball. Everything will start back from zero, hype myself up to the side of me that was never in any chapter of "Terence's personality". All friendships built will come to a halt, and the prudent nature will set in again. The fear of disturbing others will re-surface, and within a short time, meeting with these friends will feel awkward again. Poof! Stop that!

These days were the exams. Honestly, this review shows how troubled I am throughout this period. Yes, studying has been more effective and more info has been going in, but no form of studying is ever enough in situations like this. Sacrifices were made for some subjects, fickle-minded feeling crept in during the tight paper and unclear minds with tensed grip on my stationery happened in the hall. So yes, quite bad. I didn't dare to discuss any further, in fact, but I guess I haven't learnt what the name of the game is like here - self-learning and self-revision. It all boiled down to self time management; something I never did even though I knew how this ought to be played. Other than my crappy moments, the invigilators' behaviours were worth mentioning too. Some had odd outfits, others were lazy and a handful looked wierd by themselves. How disturbing.

Then whenever I was having a little prayer, I had this bad habit to pray for others before myself. In fact, the first would be jher, partly because it's quite worrying that jshe hardly felt any pressure for anything at all, and partly because that's the first thing that came to mind. Can't really help it though. Then other names would follow until one fine day I realised that the number of people I want to pray for was 98765425384950987652; and I almost slept without ending it for that. And I thought it would be a little rude to start off and expecting God to wait for me to end my prayer a few hours later, which was why I learnt to group people as a bunch. It saved a lot more time. (:

Despite naming the title as that, I find that the passion inside has been burying deep down. Perhaps, the passion has gone, but I tend to believe that the time isn't right, and that has been my favourite excuse of the year. I used to blame myself to let chances to be slipping through my fingers; I mean, January and April, those important months of my calendar. Anyway, the picture that made Andrew disturbed me with was my fuel at times. btw, did i say that playlist one has become more and more irrelevant? those songs are simply immature and pointless, except for the times when I'm tired and falling into the character of the singer could drive tears out.

Oh yes, please don't try to do what the title says, you'll get burnt. I decided to add this in when I heard from neighbour that Dang really took his lit text literally. Hope no one does it, but if anyone does, tell me and I'll have a good laugh at it. haha (:

One last thing, I hope, did I say that Quantum of Solace was rather good? yes, it was, just that some scenes were blurred by the parts when the show tried to have the "action" feel by shaking the camera. And there was one building the crew made, it was part of the set in the show, with cardboard ceilings. In the end the building caught fire, showing that if cardboard can ignite so easily, you'd be wasting tissue paper trying to control fire. yup.

~still, smiles applies, in search of a door; the right door. (:

Windfall

2008-11-07T23:28:00.002+08:00

Time's running out. In fact, time ran out. I collapsed into pieces, but rose from the grave.

It's been quite some time since I really did some post like this. This might eventually turn horrible, but I do have a rough idea on how to do this. This week was disastrous, the exams were, tough. See, I can't even find a proper word for it, but there were some that I was careless, others that I was dearly hoping things can go my way and the rest - the whole chunk of them - could save me from the fire. Then there were the illnesses that fell upon me; headache, stomach problems and my swollen gum (out of nowhere) after ear infection. Thank God I learnt that doctors do work wonders on me. So the following days the number of pills, bitter ones, that rubbed against my throat was torturous, but being able to hallucinate while writing on thick spacing of foolscap wasn't a bad idea at all. At least, the pressure was off.

Honestly, after these days where I decided that I ought to give up. In fact, I'm feeling it; the feeling feels kind of good to see jher around, but coming to a point of saying byebye is inevitable and I don't want that. Still, when kj tried to disturb me at what's he's best at, I kept my cool and hid my expression. Later, I realised that might be for real, well with the exception, and that's the thing that I did inside me; never fail to forget how everything started... No doubt for my physical self to really forget, I removed any sort of pictures related and even the playlist is working on me.

Anyway, I've been half asleep for quite some time and bye.

too bad so sad

2008-10-30T23:38:00.002+08:00

(liselle) haha too bad so sad you are wrong. hands down. completely. it's 'silhouette' with one 'el'. anyway, i forgot what i said, and that image will not appear anytime in the near future. never.

Bless

2008-10-28T00:19:00.002+08:00

hi. i just heard deb went for operation. i'm not really direct friend of hers, but i hope anyone here would pray together so she can get well. it's saddening to find such a hardworking person having to give up certificate for nature's call, so let's wish this is a blessing in disguise.
smile whenever possible!! (:

:)

2008-10-24T00:12:00.002+08:00

THANK YOU ALL. EVERYBIT WAS GREAT. LOVELY (:

Weekend ly-ly-lyrics! (:

2008-10-20T00:19:00.004+08:00

It's been a long time studying without you.
I didn't know where to turn to.
See I somehow can't forget you
After all that I've been through... (aiyo! what happened?)

Reading; mugging
Thought I had studied but nothing's been done.
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realised I should start it long time ago. (See? Never listen to cher)

Ooh hoo hoo...
If you didn't know it
My results sucked but quickly I'm learning.
But all I know is,
I will study hard! (Whoa! Scary sia...)

Ooh hoo hoo...
Thought I could pass without you; (Hao lian...)
Gonna slack when I needed to
Oh yeah
Now I'll study till I die! (Eh! Don't die, life's precious leh)
Even though there were so many 'U's (aiyo. so chia lat)
Gonna work or I'll be a fool
Ooh ooh hoo...
Thanks to you, textbooks of mine... (eee. no sincerity one)

Just a little spur of randomness btw. It was meant to be for the song Better in Time by Leona Lewis with some Muttons' lameness. Hoped it worked!

ps. i hope sandman finds his happiness after hearing him having such a pretty hot spouse even i don't really know him or otherwise. and oh! many things have changed since a long time ago; spiderman is no longer in the scene, sandman's gone and childish people are back to where they used to be. but i've created names for fatty bombbomb who growls. yup. there're many more things that i forgot; those little moments and interesting facts in life that only God will remember. anyway, life's gotta carry on. bye! (:
~smile!! (:

Grad Day

2008-10-10T23:42:00.003+08:00

IT WAS TIRING. but i'm quite proud of myself for taking 62 pics!!!!!( considering i don't usu. do that) so tiring. i even did some embarrassing thing on the bus. anw. mr t was questioning my presence (i don't think he knows me). oh yes. before i sleep. remember to ask pics from liselle, lester, tiffanie, my phone, grace, syt, meena, shan, jess. anw. end of smth = start of another thing :) that's my motto for today. oh, it was vvictoria's birthday yesterday. i think i did wish her. i hope. bro's speech was engaging, thankfully. markv's speech was alright with gavin's whistle as he was walking down a dark isle with two other males in cambridge, but there were some parts of gavrielle's speech that i had no clue about. it was nice though. ok, bye. (:
~smile (: it's mrs leong birthday today and i heard smth good has happened! (: hope she gets our messages!! (:

--

2008-10-08T23:05:00.002+08:00

there are lots of confusion going on right now and i really have no idea how to deal with it. in fact, i'm tired but the song 'awake' just stays in my head. can't get that out. just can't. it's not a adrenaline pumping song but is kinda signal for me to keep up with life. if i ever had one. which i don't. i think i'm thinking about what to do tomorrow. what expectations i'm having. or going to have. how to get a fluent expression. o. lately, my communication skills have zoomed downhill. today my reaction is as good as no reaction. i try not to blame anyone but myself but then i should have taken a nap in the day. the night was useless. with half of it slept away. o, yesterday eileen asked can you enlighten me on who's this? it was an edited picture of (this) suspiciousfella and hearing that while she was browsing the pics on my phone was shocking. in night study today. felt evil as i was looking at how tide changes from people to people. it was rather disturbing with a little intimate actions in the library. it had security cameras that can record. in need of a listening ear but i guess prayers can send my thoughts over. prayers. did one in sch during the class fight betw goodreindeer wu nanas. tears were close to dripping. ha. wrong word. o, my eyes were watery in that way for six days running i think. what stupid way of keeping my mind awake. o, that song again. feeling ill again. running nose. dry throat. gulped water. lots. andrew was making fun of me again. after i called him on sunday. joel was there too. but he's a good friend. i was retardedly laughing like maniac the whole of today after the run. run from traffic light to bus stop with didi ernie. heard comment. are cj ppl all lidat? couldn't stop laughing. the thought of the ghost story was funny too. won't mention here. but keep smiling. listened to 'listen to your heart' on radio just now. now stuck in my head. disastrous. ok. i'll go off. now. won't come anytime soon. smile on your 18th birthday (:

Embarrassing

2008-09-29T23:31:00.002+08:00

Hey. a real short one here.

There's no more embarrassing things that can ever describe today.
~wasn't well-groomed today and SU was giving that disgusted look
~had a bald patch from pulling of hair while studying; CLARISSE spotted that -.-'''
~was thinking how all my friends are going to leave me as they find their spouses, or future ones. yes. i meant all.
~showed the sign with my thumb, index and last finger unknowingly to so-and-so when it seemingly was to michael.
~only realised today that arsenal lost to hull city. such disappointment. (head shakin')
ps. not intended to caps those names. purely coincidental

We got the same friends
We're gonna have to see each other eventually
So won't you tell me how we're gonna deal with that
(how we're gonna deal with that, how we're gonna deal with that)
My CD's are at your place
And you know I'm gonna have to pick 'em up
So won't you tell me how we're gonna deal with that
(how we're gonna deal with that, how we're gonna deal with that)

Even though it was mutual, it still kills inside
'Cause for so long, how I've been defined

It feels just like I'm going crazy
I guess that this is breaking up
And now not even you can save me
Will someone wake me up?
(Someone wake me up)
Never thought that we'd go under
I guess we won't be making up
And if this is a dream I wonder,
Could someone wake me up?
(Someone wake me up)

I still have your old shirt
You know the one I said I'd thrown away?
I put it on when I went to bed last night
(I went to bed last night, I went to bed last night)
Baby, is this where our story ends
When I turn out the light
Fantasy and reality fight

It feels just like I'm going crazy
I guess that this is breaking up
And now not even you can save me
Will someone wake me up?
(Someone wake me up)
Never thought that we'd go under
I guess we won't be making up
And if this is a dream I wonder,
Could someone wake me up?
(Someone wake me up)

Someone wake me up

Even though it's over now, it still kills inside
'Cause for so long you have been my life

(Someone wake me up, someone wake me up)

It feels just like I'm going crazy
I guess that this is breaking up
And now not even you can save me
Will someone wake me up?
(Someone wake me up)
Never thought that we'd go under
I guess we won't be making up
And if this is a dream I wonder,
Could someone wake me up?
(Someone wake me up)

Oh, baby you were my first time
I will always keep you inside

(Someone wake me up, someone wake me up)
Someone wake me up
(Someone wake me up, someone wake me up)
Someone wake me up

Just loved the veronicas' way of screaming their songs (:

Alive

2008-09-28T19:33:00.002+08:00

When life's harsh, playlist one is always there, keeping my bodily functions functioning and preparing for the impending apocalyptic doom
Finally, I have to agree to this, "have faith, restart" when I was in my ~lala~ land, thinking life's really a bed of... whatever. Now, it's more like broccoli. anw. let's see what mum's cooking!! haha bye!! (:

Games

2008-09-21T20:25:00.003+08:00

"With great power comes with great responsibility." That was the phrase that almost everyone wanted to convey their message during their speeches in the election day for the drama juniors. Now it turns out that there's some kind of deja vu.

Then, I was asking dad, "what would do if there's a game that you badly want to win but the rules aren't within your control? As in, all moves belong to someone else manipulation." He paused for a moment as he was holding to his steering wheel, then replied, "first, you have to weigh the consequences..." I cut him off immediately, "then what if it's very great?" "then I'd prefer not to play in it." In the end I felt a little awkward that made me round things up with a white lie that it helped me think in an another perspective for gp, which is kind of true anyway.

Ok! I finally see the light behind all the crap bossips (b****ings and g*ss*ps) amongst everyone. The ironic part was that everyone thinks that they know the truth with what they see when the subjects to their conversations are absolutely clueless about it. Besides, these subjects are towards other specific targets, so, things shouldn't and wouldn't turn out as people make an ass out of u and me.

Alright. Terence has learnt that (from the mass that jojo asked us to go today) finding your own motivation is key to revision, distractions shouldn't take too long (just thought of the love guru's DRAMA) and teachers are always there to help. Oh yes, peace warms the soul of everyone around. By the way, I still cannot believe that jess had to stick out her index and middle fingers as a sign of peace. That moment was stunning and surprisingly odd! For the fear that people around would find out.

Oh yes. This brings me to a point about what gp lessons taught me; what you see may not be what you know. In other words, "the black swan theory" exists

...And it's time
And I've really had enough...
So bored with these games, games
-Games by Jonas Brothers

Ok. I will keep those takeaway quotes as I study hard. Yes. For econs really. peace! (:
~smile!! (:

Which sane person would be awake?

2008-09-21T00:47:00.003+08:00

This was meant to be posted some time ago. but apparently i forgot. anyway, today we celebrated liselle's belated birthday at timbre. it was nice for momma's parents to send us from bishan to there and back to our homes after that. and i must thank for such kind moments. so we had alcoholic things and i was mad after some time. not really but the feeling of driving cool drinks down the throat and then feeling the hotness in the tummy was sensational! but getting my ears pumped up with heat was... embarrassing! thankfully things were dark and no one could see that! or maybe, no one told me about that!! (: after that, when i got into momma's car with james already inside, his mom said "you all were drinking liqour huh? the smell very strong..." thank goodness he knew how to reason that liselle's sis had to drive and so we had to drink it for her, or else... SO a million thanks to him!!!! (: oh!! before that, when jess, syt, shan n i were leaving the tuition place, we all almost got shocked when we all saw someone with the head very low, like, just behind the motorcycle. syt and jess screamed with shan and the two of them ran away. but then shan got so shocked that she covered her face and her feet were rooted to the ground la! the scenario was so funny! (: oh my! (: but then i realised it was really someone, but that person was like squatting so we only saw the head haha. we were such losers. (: oh yes, i learnt how to tie a knot with the cherry stem. or whatever you call it. yeah! (: and the presents for liselle were nice too! (:

~smile!! (: (btw. i'm trying to ramble crap to shan online now. like some retarded drunked. but not really cos i'm perfectly fine!! haha!! she won't be here anyway!!)

Quote-of-the-week

2008-09-20T12:57:00.003+08:00

"tERRY IS JUST SO GOOD"
~haha trying to be a little ego here. anyway. study hard pals! (:

Change The World

2008-09-14T21:53:00.002+08:00

Hey.

A real short one here; I just watched L Change the World from lizzy's disc and if there's time I would analyse that whole movie thoroughly cos there's just too many things that I would have never thought of; such great ideas coming from here. yup. impressive. anyway, the thing that caught me from this was the song that came at the end. It was "I'll be waiting" by Lenny Kravitz and the piano plus guitar mix, together wiht the melody created such a catchy mood for me! In fact, the most impactful was the bridge of this song when all the emotions sounded to have released out. oh my, i didn't know people of the olden days were so good! (:

Prolly those words seem emo on msn, but HA! not emo at all!! don't get mistaken! (: anyway, terence has matured and will do the right thing at the right time!! "Hoo YEAH!!"

ANDREW'S BIRTHDAY!

2008-09-12T22:24:00.002+08:00

It was andrew's birthday's celebration today. I mean, it could have been done eight days ago but it's always a pity to have prelims during this time. Honestly, it was rather amusing to find people ignoring him on his birthday when he looked so excited that everyone might wish him on this day!

So papers ended this morning. that cj7 dialogue was fun to hear and make fun of with pranks. those hacking moments came back again for liselle. e2max was crazy; halo was giddy, euro 08 was retarded with cbelle and i screaming like mad!! against james and boonping. so weird but our teamwork only worked for the last match when those two fellas were too dead. earned half an hour from there (: from the blur lady. had a warm welcome by krygsman family especially his mom and dad, but i wasn't too used to it and felt awkward then bjorn was throwing me liselle and james as presents for andrew. it was rather new idea but the jerk on me was shocking. haha! ohyes, nerissa had new hairstyle and that scent of her hair was super strong! haha. anw. i heard some lines exchanged by andrew joel and nerissa but i had NO idea what they said and meant. nice time though! (:

tired. byee! (: smile (:

Birthdays

2008-09-07T21:05:00.001+08:00

Hello. just a short one here.

I found that there are three people who have the same birthday today on the seventh of september. haha. all of them are such cool people. dawn, liselle and llwelyn (lulu, such a difficult name to spell) haha. need no further explanation, but so interesting haha (:

oh yes, terence has been mourning and will continue to mourn until the soul is at rest. aiyo. why sound so cheem?? haha!!(:

~smile!! (:

Mommy's Funny Thing

2008-09-06T22:46:00.001+08:00

HI!

Mum's super farnie today!! It's just like the normal day when she's just as blur (I really mean it that way since she has real short-sighted problems and her specs aren't with her all the time) as she can be. Then today, she just had to add on with her comical act la. aiyo. haha (:

Anyway, so here's what happened. Mum and I were at the kitchen and the laundry place was where most people would hang their clothes outside their houses but for my parents, they prefer to hang them inside instead. So, I was telling mum about a beige-coloured cloth-like material with some flowering pattern that was hung on the grill-like thing (I don't know what exactly that's called). I didn't know what it was exactly, so I simply and randomly told mum "an underwear-like object was found outside our house (direct translation)." Then mum, still without her specs while she was cleaning the kitchen, started cringing her already-small eyes as she moved towards that unidentified thing. Because that thing was at a tight angle, mum pushed the window and reached towards that. Then you know, there was a saying that touching undergarments would cause a gambler's luck to plunge for three years and the whole family just loved to joke about it, I wished mum luck. So she picked that up, brought it so high like grannies and looked at it under the light. Apparently, that was indeed what I guessed earlier, and mum stared at it while I stared at her and her excavation. "Doesn't look like mine" was what she said and to be honest, any sane person would think so too; we never hang our things outside and something of such... small... wouldn't be appearing in our family. Anyway, just as I thought that mum would dump that into the dustbin inside the kitchen, mommy did something crazy. Just before I wanted to ask what she was going to do with it, she seemed to know what I intended and cut me off "if not what to do...?" Then straightaway after that, she farewell that thing with a "good luck" as that cloth flew down with mommy's comical drop of it.

"Today we are here for a change!... YEAH RIGHT"
Change

~smile! even when life's not on your side (:

Disaster!

2008-09-06T01:56:00.001+08:00

Oh no!! Remember this day that you realise that that fifty-fifty ratio is plunging! bad Bad BAd BAD. if i knew it i wouldn't have mentioned it today. shoots! anw. haha have fun with... what's left yup :)

Peektures

2008-09-02T23:52:00.001+08:00

Hellooo!

ok not so lively maybe. i'm actually feeling a little sick for all the crazy life i was having today. i mean, visually physically and mentally. sometimes i wonder why do people want to take pictures? i'm not anti-photos or something, but just for curious sake. then when at times one wants to find out the truth there are doubts forming all the time and now, i have.

i have seen many guys put their dears' photographs as their wallpapers. that's good such that they are showing to everyone that they remember them all the time. but is this any sort of symbol to others that washes any form of rumour or discrepancy about their relationships with their special friends? or how about reminding themselves that they ought to stay faithful? if the latter holds, then why the need to remind? if that dear is the one, the only one that they need to care about on an intimate personal level, is there any purpose to placing their pictures in front of them all the time? alright maybe i'm a little too extreme on a tired night, but i'm sure there aren't any definite answers to it. this is just my view. unless someone enlightens me with other thoughts. i guess that's just embedded inside me. anyway, i'm tired.

nights!! (: smiles! for whoever and whatever or picture haters or lovers... byee!! (:

Makeover

2008-08-31T22:33:00.001+08:00

Hello!

I've just decided that I'm going to give you different names for your different organs by the next post. So in order for me not to be crazy enough to be obssessed with you and your thoughts day-in, day-out, you will be caged from the outside world. So no one can disturb you, just like how I cannot enter jher mind. Yes, you'll be gone from the world soon, unless someone can access those lame words. toodles!! (:

Lost

2008-08-30T10:38:00.001+08:00

Hey! it's a nice saturday morning.

But the thing i found out was that ana ivanovic lost her match at us open! such a heartbreaking moment. haha!! it's alright since i found someone in school who looks very much alike like her! i don't really know who she is, but i hope i'll find out soon! o btw, she's a little bigger and shorter than the real one of course! haha (:

peace!! (:

Trashbag

2008-08-25T23:17:00.001+08:00

hello.

dad was being unreasonable. but ah. it's not worth mentioning. as usual.

anyway, i was browsing through sites and i got a little confused with what i saw. i thought jshe's rather slender and slim in jher rhd costume. then i was thinking how attractive that was. as for just now, pictures told me that actually jshe wasn't as what i described earlier. a little babyf*t and rounder, yes, that's how i should have described. anyway, it wouldn't make anymore difference if my impression of jher never changed.

ohno. i have no idea why do i need such affirmations? perhaps they are all part of the notion that the tide has changed. i hope not, or else... there'll be havoc all over the place. shoots. i'm close to brain-dead; nothing can go in now and btw. it'll take a miracle to save me from gp today. the only hope is to score well for the rest of the subjects. ok! i'm off!! byee!! (: smile whenever possible!! (:

Snail

2008-08-23T00:04:00.002+08:00

hello.

ups and downs all around and in this hectic way of life, sometimes it's worthwhile to stop and smell the roses as we look back at how things have been going well, and maybe, not so well, for us.

well, i successfully killed the fitness test yesterday. killer day. i was looking for aho to have a redo. then just then the hod was next to him. apparently he was saying how aho was lenient and stuff like that. so on that occasion, i came in handy. so i had to do my test right in front of two of them. thank God that those pressure paid off.

well, that was yesterday. today everything never turned good for me. i wasted my time, and yes, WASTE. that was for spending time trying to manage the pressure to finish the video and the computer to make the video. both didn't do me good.

then, suddenly audieu was asking if shan and i were 'happening' or something like that. ok, fine actually for someone who didn't know me too well. but for joel and andrew, i was stunned that they asked the same thing la! they knew already, btw. and that shocked me. yup. so to reassure those who know me, she's not the one.

[edited at round 2] oh yes, there are times when i start to think of creatures like snails. these fellas, as slow as they can be, are feeling safe all the time. all they know that surrounds them are merely the ground and a centimetre around their feelers. i often wish to let them be exposed to the outside world and learn that there's much more than their shells, just like how we humans have taught ourselves about our world. but one moment you "open" them up, there's a great chance that they will be destroyed with time. it isn't too nice to break into others' system and destroy their momentum in life. and i hope that's why i tried to avoid everything that harmed this so-called snail. and yes, this snail was last seen two days ago. now it is missings, Reports.

smile! (:

Cut it OFF!

2008-08-21T00:52:00.001+08:00

TERENCE! YOU BETTER GET RID OF THAT IDEA OUT OF YOUR MINIATURE BRAIN. YOU KNOW YOU CANNOT AND SHOULD NOT FRET ON THIS THING ANYMORE. LET IT GO, AND THIS DOESN'T COME BACK. TOO BAD. ANYWAY, SOMEONE LIKE YOU WHO CAN'T MANAGE YOURSELF SHOULD JUST GO ONE LITTLE CORNER AND HIDE YOUR TINY WINY HEAD UNDER YOUR ARMS. YOU USELESS FREAK. YOU ARE A PIECE OF TRASH FULL OF LARD. IN FACT, IF YOU EVER WANT TO START OFF WELL, BE YOURSELF AND SENSIBLE. YOU'VE SEEN SO MANY RETARDED MOMENTS BY MANY DUMB PEOPLE WHO ARE FREAKY. AND NOW YOU'RE BEING SCARY. IF YOUR PERSISTENCE BRINGS TO GOOD THINGS, THEN IT'S FINE. BUT PLEASE, MY DEAR BRAIN, SHUT UP AND LET ME GO! THERE'S ONLY ONE FOCUS AND EVERYTHING ELSE EVOLVES AROUND IT. LEARN IT WELL. YOU JOLLYWELL KNOW IT. NOW TRY GETTING THIS AIM. DON'T FORGET IT while it's time i get some precious sleep. smile!! (:

Music

2008-08-19T01:13:00.001+08:00

hello. it's late into the night and i'm quite sleepy, so i'll make this quick; basically, i was super stunned when gwen burped she even made a melody to suit it. it was some nursery rhymes in fact, tired now byee!! (:

Modesty is just so hard to find

2008-08-17T23:30:00.001+08:00

Hey!!!

I was listening to shan's romantic story in a time where i practically wasted my time for something people called 'study'. it was random, but life's as simple as that. full of craziness. anyway, i'm caught up with the lovebug song by the jonas brothers. here's it!!! (:

Lovebug By Jonas Brothers

Called her for the first time yesterday
Finally found the missing part of me
Felt so close but you were far away
Left me without anything to say

(CHORUS)
Now I'm speechless, over the edge, I'm just breathless
I never thought that I'd catch this love bug again
Hopeless, head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I'd get hit by this love bug again

I can't get your smile out of my mind
[I can't get you out of my mind]
I think about your eyes all the time
You're beautiful but you don't even try
(You don't even, don't even try)
Modesty is just so hard to find

(CHORUS)
Now I'm speechless, over the edge, I'm just breathless
I never thought that I'd catch this love bug again
Hopeless, head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I'd get hit by this love bug again

Kissed her for the first time yesterday
Everything I wished that it would be
Suddenly I forgot how to speak
Hopeless, breathless, baby can't you see?

Now I'm...

YEAH, OHHH

Now I'm speechless, over the edge of this, breathless
I never thought that I'd catch this love bug again
Hopeless, head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I'd get hit by this love bug again
[ohhhhh]
Love Bug again
[woo!]

so, conclusion that andrew and i had was that we'll stay single. haha retarded statements. study boy!! (:

toodles!!! (:

DUMBDUMB!!

2008-08-16T22:25:00.001+08:00

i just realised that john's made the whole story up when whatever on the blog was what happened! but still, funny though. haha!! (:

Buddies!!

2008-08-16T00:50:00.001+08:00

Hello!! i'm using the blogger buddy as it is named. so cool!!
anw. john's gamble with gabriel on livejournal.com was absolutely funny. for all the nonsense he had. oh btw. if anyone realised, john the messenger, sits at the right hand side of gabriel everyday. how interesting it can get!! (:

Ice

2008-08-14T23:42:00.002+08:00

hello!!

i learnt something new today. and today's lesson was on the act on the streets. jess was telling me how some people at her housing estate there were staring at her and how creepy they were then. curiously, i asked her, "why are you so suspicious of stalkers or people like that? what makes you think they are staring at you? perhaps they're just looking at something else, and not you? (besides, you're... )" well, i didn't really say that, but later she was saying how staring differs from stoning. it's like, when someone stares at you, and then you look back, that person would look away and immediately you know already... straightaway, i had the enlightenment and at the same time i felt so ignorant as to why i haven't thought of this for such a long time. then looking back, i think i've been giving this kind of creepy stares too at times. but actually for myself, i tend to stare subconsciously at someone or something that moves then when that person looks back, i realise that i wasn't doing the right thing, then i'll look away. hmm. i'll change for the betta. ok, things don't logically now and i'm about to shower, then sleep. nights!! (: smile!!! (:

my 'highness'!

2008-08-14T00:11:00.001+08:00

I’m in a good mood today for all the fuss and hassle of life. In fact, sitting right behind my ec was ooooh! really, that feeling IS INDESCRIBABLE. Then the best part that I killed myself by roasting my body under the sun with intensive basketball. I mean, there wasn’t much studying but it kind of built my mood to go the hard way for all the guilt of not studying and so on. Another thing was that I heard that a new couple’s going to form very soon! So exciting! I don’t really know who the guy is, but the girl must be feeling very blessed! It sounds a little childish but the dumb and stubborn side of me realised that staying loyal to a friend shows maturity. Instead, hanging around too much with random people can jeopardise relationships. Btw, whoever who said this to me last time, I think it’s gabby this granddaughter (I finally give up on fighting for my real name!!), I wish to thank her for teaching me this important lesson in life… and build my eq! another thing I want to thank, that’s cuiyi’s ride today. I couldn’t have been more grateful that this was like giving me charcoal in this cold night. but one more thing. Being tired doesn’t feel nice. It drove me to fantasies with playlist one going on and on. So lesson two; sleep early!! Applies to me!! but I’m waiting for my hair to dry. It’s getting thick and I think I can’t really sleep by thirty minutes later. Perhaps I’ll bomb my head one day. yup. Such a smart choice. As always. i think i know why i'm so high today. prolly cos of gabriel's cadbury. addictive!!

To vote or not to vote, that’s the question.

2008-08-13T00:23:00.000+08:00

Recently, I realise that this virtual vvorld is becoming more and more irrelevant. It’s like the huge numbers of people make you very minute amongst all things. The great velocity everyone around me has stopped me from moving forward. Perhaps, I should take a step back and smell the roses around me, or just be devoted to something I want and wish to. Anyway, I just heard an awful song and was wondering how courageous someone must be to sing in front of a camera when there can be thousands of people watching… but can't help it. just lovvve it! (:

R..r...r....Random!

2008-08-09T23:25:00.004+08:00

hey!!!!!!!

haha, just thought of that line when i heard it from zijun n cheeko. just cannot stop laughing at them for that.

i had many different thoughts in my head, you know... well you don't but... yup. cut the lameness! stupid fella. so just now as i was going home and it was the ndp shown live on the bus. i got a little curious and tried to tune to the station which had the voices of this channel from my radio. everything went well till i suddenly thought that how apathetic i am, and how lost i feel as a person of this nation. then i was thinking, what then makes those students or performers believe that they feel like a part of the country? the preparation for the show itself? indeed if i were one of them, this would have been my answer easily. after all, things like these have been pretty much part of my life and missing out on such an occasion made me feel empty without any reason for that instant. and how i wished i could be on this act too. sigh.

then i was watching the show with the pretty host on travelling to sahara. i think this is a biased world. if it wasn't for such a host, i would never ever have any interest on this place of the world. anyway, her story was quite touching and yup. inspiring. haha. loss of words.

"Once the daylight arives here in China, we should know how severe the pollution is..."
"... I've just been informed that this is the daylight."

anyw, i learnt a new term yesterday, just that i remembered the words today.
头可断,血可流.靓女不可不追求.

0808080808080808080808080808080808

2008-08-09T09:58:00.003+08:00

this year has so many things related to the numbers. i mean, yesterday there was the national day celebrations step up after the walk. honestly, for that walk, all i was thinking was nothing but the loooong walk in mae sot; holding 395's hand and gave the kids a happy time altogether. another thing was that i missed the group when we all talked and talked as a group, sharing our time together. i guessed that this walk helped us to remember that the kids in mae sot and all around the world need our help, not just those in our society. in fact, i would have not taken this into account if not for fr charles who highlighted about nargis earlier in the day during mass. yup. i missed the kids there.

then after the celebrations were over (bet the english teachers would chop me for giving such tautologous statements), we went for buffet at sakae at ps there. i tried for the slow and steady way but in the end still didn't eat enough to kill my competitors. lost by three i think. but anyway, life had never been such a torture after meals! every moment felt like puking (just thought of su's 'pilfer' and 'puker' adjectives on thursday). oh yes, matthias puked for laughing too much! so dumb! john was a great company too, but making fun of the monopoly-faced girl was bad! so naughty!

so yes, i think bangs-is-the-new-hot, cause quite a number of hot people doing that nowadays. but i bet zhazha won't agree... anyway, to balance out their goodness in their looks, i guess. anyway, i think i got banged when jshe walked past me in canteen after my last pe of the year and gave the 'look'. i was stunned but still managed to return a hi. thank goodness i wasn't rude! but i think kiki would have known and saw what happened. don't tell k! haha. i know you won't (:

oh yes, the numbers above are overrated when everyone's telling the whole world about this day. but worth e memory i suppose. oh yes, i just found the two splastic's blog, will try to spam them some day. till then...

whatever the consequences, smile!! (: it's the most polite thing to do!! (:

Runnin'

2008-08-06T20:30:00.002+08:00

Hey

Today i was reading the newspaper, after a long long time since forever and the first thing that caught my eye was that a south korean woman went across the borders to find his husband, the long-lost husband, after they were separated 47 years ago. it was so amazing that they are still alive and wanted to find their counterpart. Then another thing was that they fell in love at first sight! in the morning everything just seems so fresh and funny, or at least for me, that i simply laughed madly. hoped dad didn't get a shock (:

Then i was at the canteen to take an unusual nap. as in, i would go up to class for that, but at that moment i was too lazy. anyway, the bell rang later for assembly. i saw someone at the cca notice board, someone familiar who looked to be so engrossed in reading, but she's definitely someone not the hottest you'd find in the school, from where i was when that person had jher back facing the rest. by then i was making my way up to the quadrangle, but there were two conflicting thoughts in my mind. should i say a hi to this person? and risk getting it wrong. or just stay away, as far as possible to keep myself problem free? that few milliseconds i took didn't seem much, but it bothered me greatly. cos i knew it was jher from the appearance and external character jshe portrays but i didn't have the courage to do anything to remake a friend or smth. yup. first shot missed.

first lesson; homily's lecture was a time i think i spent the most time staring. into blank space when i was too tired to think much. rather that scene i guess. in fact, it felt weird to look at the screen with that kind of mood. hope i didn't get by electrocuted the scene. lovely though (:

i also smuggled into some random lect and that scene was blur, even shan thought so too. but the lecture was too boring as a summary of what happened.

i'll leave with a song today, or night, with some selected phrases

... my mind began to change
Suddenly I didn't feel the same

I didn't know what I was doing.
I was dodging commitment; start but don't finish.
My aim was always the same girl.
I know I been trippin'.
I'm confessin' I'm confessin' so...
Baby just hear me out.
I'm confessin' I'm confessin' so...
Baby just see me off.
I wanna show my heart but
I don't know where to start.

So I keep runnin'.
With real love in my face,
Why am I breakin' away?
I keep runnin'.
So scared of the heartbreak;
So scared of makin' mistakes
I keep runnin'.
When all I really need is you;
All I really need is you,
But I keep on runnin' away.

I caught a second wind of
Happiness when I met this girl...
I took a detour tryin' to find myself,
But I'm on this road again,
Want out of this box I'm in.
I made it harder to be with me.

I'm 'bout to break down baby I'm done.
No I can't keep up runnin' this marathon;
No need to rest when I already won,
And if I got you by my side girl I already won.

It's like lookin' for a treasure
when it's already mine.
It don't make sense; don't make sense
No matter how hard I try to define.
I'm comin' face to face with myself.
I know I don't need don't need no one else,
So can somebody tell me where I'm goin'?

Runnin' by Jesse McCartney, but with cut parts.
apparently i'm feelin' very sleepy.. nights!

Electrocution

2008-08-03T23:30:00.002+08:00

Someone please tell me that i should work towards gp rather than the rest.
And, tell me i ought to concentrate more on gp clinic.
Put in twice as much effort as what i used to put in chem and econs,
Cos that's the latest subject that's interesting and motivating.
(bet mdm d a m o would be happy!)
haha, i think this post has no threat unless anyone can read my mind when i haven't told anyone about it. (:

Crazy thing!

2008-08-02T21:13:00.002+08:00

Hey! i've been laughing madly when i was watching how stupid the mr hk show was. they look so unglam and foolish. the best was that one of them did EXACTLY what mocca advertisement did with all those dumb poses! oh my, had a hard time regaining my conscious for that, man!

Options

2008-08-01T23:51:00.002+08:00

Sometimes if your pile of wood is ending
And you see another person making fire ahead of you
Who wants to offer it to you,
Gladly accept it and offer your about-to-die flame,
So that the flame can passed to someone else.

Yeah Right, syt!*

2008-07-30T21:42:00.004+08:00

One life, just as how syt was saying
Live it well. woah, you like talkative
Either entertain others, and blur girls, huh?
Or be entertained. (simply speechless)

Strengthen or Build

2008-07-27T22:33:00.002+08:00

I was contemplating whether i should read what was written to me, cos i was thinking that i don't deserve to get this thick pile of fuzzies when i was mostly focusing on my self wants towards playing. in fact, i only wrote to seven people. and all those are the new friends i made throughout the past two days.

In the end i did open the envelope (otherwise i wouldn't be here right??? haha!) only to find that the bulk of it was made up of my pen and a stack of rubbish paper that i didn't know where to dump after retreat ended and a lollipop by Ken and Qorrine, our facils, and made the envelope look huge!

The first piece of note was written in pencil. It kinda surprised me with the orange piece of paper. What took the surprise to higher level was by someone who wrote Though we're not in the same group, ... I won't name the person but it told me one simple thing; true friends are those who remember what's ever lasting friendships. This would be especially true for me when I thought that I ought to make new friends then write to my old mates when there is more time. But i was quite wrong. Or rather, I felt i was such a let down to those who wrote for me. Please, someone please, scold me! Make me learn better next time! ARGHH!!!

Sorry, i went crazy just now. Then I was thinking, do i want the attention of the rest when i was playing frisbee on friday night? My intention was to forget all my troubles and have a good game and shout for all i wanted, it turned out that people began praising and talking to me about the frisbee language when i was unaware. as in, the most ulu times in the morning (in the toilet), in the dark staircase at night and almost being cornered towards the wall at lunch. really, i didn't know how to react to these and i actually felt awkward. perhaps, that's another reason i didn't dare to play the disc on saturday, other than the fact i didn't want to sweat for the late afternoon session. i mean, i would have been tempted often, but on this day my will was stronger and i hope i ought to be prouder than that.

actually when i was reading i was really touched by some who wrote things which sounded like i'm invited into their catholic community. i felt real glad and thought i would never have been like that if not for the people i meet in this school

pardon me for everything i had not done, but i must thank boon, granddaughter (whichever one, but i don't think this person can write chinese very well), kubo, xavier, lselle, marilyn (i almost missed her out just now!!!), majella, rachel, qorrine n ken, xuelingjie, andrew, aaronchan and nanas for remembering. just that i don't know how to start. hope they get their blessings too! and yes, for everyone whom i know or i don't, bless them too!

ok, now really, must go back to typing the nyaa report! such a torture! but the retreat still stays in my heart! (:

~smile friends!! (:

Runaway Vacation!

2008-07-27T01:53:00.003+08:00

haha!! just had retreat for the past fri and saturday.

In summary, it was much more fun; definitely I didn't sleep (even though I closed my eyes subconsciously in today's session; one of them...) unlike last year. So for people like Alexandria and Victoria, too bad for y'all! haha (:

Basically I was rather fascinated by the way when we were told that we shouldn't have any distraction during the whole event and this was SO true! Things that went on were smooth and my actions didn't really hinder much because of my prudence to something.

Anyway, my group was WONDERFUL, and in fact, I saw that our group was highly linked to LIGHT in many of the readings. That's why I thought some things are meant to be together, on the outside though. yup!

Mr Pang's convincing encouragements and stories and singing were fantastic; so great that interested me a lot! As in, he could drag his voice super long and soprano-like so I was actually noticing if his Adam's apple was vibrating while he sang. He could, and this just made my jaws collapsed as we sang the communion songs. Then for myself, there were some tones that made me sing voiceless when the note was too high! Hope it wasn't too embarrassing for those around me! haha! (:

There were some interesting sessions which re-iterated some of the things I was thinking for the past year, like acceptance and so on. But I was quite impressed the way the 'who am I' talk was done. It was the comparison between what others think you are and what you think you are yourself. Yea, insightful. Then in the 'bruce almighty' movie I learnt one thing exactly, and my eyes turned real wet. In fact, it was quite wet for almost the whole of today. Anyway, I'll try quote it, "I don't need her to be back, I just want her to be happy" Haha, no comments about that. (:

My wonderful group was really amazing. We had full attendance; Rachel, Vivien, Teresa, Vincent, Kubo, Nicholas (Boon), yza, nanas, selle, myself and John (my class' arrangement was on purpose!) I thought that the three girls not from my class were really humble and really worth learning from when they would rather give quieter comments during little breaks and et cetera. Then there was one instance when our group was trying to find out our facils' name so I tried to be a spy. But the thing was, there was no one sitting opposite her and it was so awkward to attempt a spy this way. Viv and Teresa saw that and started laughing. So embarrassing! Luckily nanas helped me out by asking her questions and distract her. Vincent and Kubo had quite different frequency from us, so they came on and off at times, but nice to play games with them! Then nanas and yza were stuck on each other, selle and I were similar to one another, just opposite gender with our OPT tagged to us on paper. As for John, I think he's really a nice person to work with. He obviously was trying to get away from someone in our group and be his usual self of cursing, but I hoped I calmed him down quite a bit. Knowing him so such a 'short' time just makes things very amusing. (: There was a part where the group had to discuss together about the readings and he covered up for me when I was too afraid to speak to the rest, especially when I wasn't sure if whatever I said was right (from the random questions other speakers gave I got all of them totally different from what the intended answer was). And all the more brother was sitting there, so the pressure piled even further. Thank Lord he spoke something which we didn't discuss and was convincing. He said, "we had one conclusion, and that God is good". It was so successful that made people just shout out "yeah!" out loud. I really thank him tons for all the stress relief! (:

Another thing was that I was glad that every speaker explained everything clearly as to why our groups were named like this, or why the title was designed to be such a way and so many more. Even brother did that for the mass session for us. I was impressed with the priest from risen christ. He agreed to help out even when he didn't know what the schedule was exactly all about. He also told us that the first reading is usually taken from the old testiment and the second from the new one, something which I would never have known! He was also telling us in simple language that made me understand things very well. So I'm really thankful for him too.

One successful indicator was that dzul joined in with everyone else for mass and it was good. He was also really funny for the drawing game by drawing the cross and many activities too. Such a pleasure to have him!

For the group, it was amazing for us to win something in the drawing game and I couldn't stop laughing when the message was passed verbally rather than drawing on each other's backs.

Oh yes, Shan drew a pic for world peace for me. trying to make fun of me. Sigh!

It was nice, but it'll be better when pics and more are up!

bad things gone good

2008-07-21T23:54:00.003+08:00

Sometimes when you're not energetic enough you tend to get chances to perform
But what's crucial is to grab these little opportunities.
Something material should be fine and do you good,
But the important thing is this, you ought to pierce through the flesh and soothen the soul...

ps. i'm referring to nothing except for the previous removed post and whatever kiki saw.

Check this out!

2008-07-18T20:49:00.002+08:00

hey. i was reading somewhere and suddenly realised that leona lewis performed for the princess of sweden on july 14th. the day was even named after her too! how cool is that?! haha :)

anyway, i simply loooooooove the joker for all his simplicity mindset and optimistic life! a man without plan!!! but i'm confused by a little here; he sounds like he doesn't care for anything, but in fact he's got such complicated mind that fits everything into the notion of destruction he always wanted. the best part was, even sane ones couldn't think properly! he's such a funny character too! just that that real guy heath ledger died for drugs. stupid drug addict. oh yes, i think i don't think there's any lead role in the dark knight. in fact, i see the other roles more than the shaded figure la! maybe that's the idea that the director wants to portray. then the dent guy in the film, i still can't really get things through when his life and attitude changed completely during the course of the show from the happy-go-lucky type to one who in the end relied on reality. yup, i guess that's the other side of him expressed. honestly, i won't be able to take it if such drastic change would happen on me. anyway, he had nice features such that he flips the coin for every decision and the disfigured face was what i found interesting. yeah, he's aaron eckhart and that was good! then for most characters where there was a face-off, it was so good that showed exactly the opposite feeling inside their minds. ohoh!! there was mind games all over and oh goodness, those parts were so exciting, especially the two ships scene. the most captivating part was that for every time i thought that the movie would end because of some issues were cleared, it didn't and made me want to watch more. ohhh!! so exciting!!! (:

anw. byee for now! (: sleepy... haha

Wish upon a star

2008-07-17T00:31:00.002+08:00

Hey.

i think this post has nothing to do with stars or anything sort of like this, but my idea is that i do not like myself to take things for granted. honestly i've been treating this friendship really loosely. as in, i think i'm satisfied when i see her being happy, or in any case, see her. then i never dare to tell directly when this might ruin this -ship, and i don't want that. so maybe some days later, if i really do have the time i'll talk more about my wonderful and interesting life for the past whatever number of days. ok, fine. some details to satisfy my craziness now, but maybe the whole scenarios the next time!
i wanted to tell momma, ~i could recognise the bag~ in school today he talked about 'nice scenery'
don't know and not supposed to know and don't want to know about the ~(i'll just quote from zijun!) one gerr so stupid to lean forward~ incident... so bad!
dumbfounded when seeing eeyoh.

ok tired now.. byee! (: smile!! (:

After torture, nothing tastes as sweet

2008-07-13T16:30:00.002+08:00

Hey.

These few days have been tough. the school teacher wanted us failure students to do well for physical endurance test soon so he brought us to the gym the other day. well, i hoped to do good for myself too, so i put in my best effort to go for the max weights and did sets of four. but, being inexperienced, i busted my limits and there have been aches ever since. with this, i kind of injured my body. the worst was that, what i had been doing some lesser-load workouts in higher repetition had to stop today, finally. for the past few days, i carried on with the pain. but for this morning, this affected me entirely inside out. that's why i resorted to going to pharmacy for some medication. the first thing i looked for during lunch was panadol. the strongest, if possible. then it was to top-up my supplies for my anti-inflammatory gel. that's when i approached the counter for it. i spelt the whole name (cannot name this here 'cause of the things that happened) of it to the pharmacist. he was quick to know it and said," yes, we have, but how old are you?" i was rusty in lying and exaggerating things after coming into this school, so it took me quite a while to respond. during this little moment of pause, i was thinking, if i'm not legally old enough to buy it then it'll be troublesome... my gel's running out at home! then i was thinking, eighteen or twenty-one, eighteen or twenty-one... ok, i'll take the smaller one, seems closer to the real thing. "eighteen," i replied. but he wanted to be a little secure, "did you bring your ic so i can verify?" the first thing that happened to me was to stare blankly and frowned a little,"shoots! err, i didn't bring it today" when my music player was safely hibernating in my side pocket. i didn't even dared to look at him then, till he asked further and sounded like he wanted to help me. "have you used this before?" now i was a little more calm," yup, i'm using it currently" after that, he just gave me the bottle. i was smiling inside but i felt a little cheeky with that," Oh, so do i still have to present my card?" apparently there's nothing anyone could do, so i patiently waited, even for that millisecond. before i left with it, he said," remember to use it twice a day" in an advising tone. after i securely had my gel, i gave the really grateful smile. i thought it was really nice for him to be kind and save me from having a bad day. but deep inside, the satisfaction of beating the rules through little things like these was so exciting! haha! anyway, i just took the pills and it's supposed to last for eight hours, about five more left to go before torture creeps in again! oh my, i gotta spend the most of my time left to study now. byee!! and btw, the feeling of losing the chance the other day weakens me, even though i've been telling myself to hold on!

Walk in the room
All I can see is you
You're staring me down
I know you feel it too