Silence!

This is terence's
blog (:
-nothing can navigate my page now

On Holiday! (:

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*nar-vigaa-torr says -

xxx typed*: mind (blog)

(Tuesday, 29 April 2008-)
+4/29/2008 12:19:00 am]*

Title: Phone on the line-

Hello

Step one: don’t disturb others
Step two: don’t irritate others

These are the two lines on my phone start up screen, since many many days ago. So long that I've forgotten already. At least three weeks? SO... ... Pathetically, the rush from school work has taken up all my energy to give. That’s why these days I’ve never wanted to start talking. Perhaps Naddy was right. It’s what she called “shy”, but yes, that’s about it. Hope I can know the result soon, but I’m pretty sure that washing all memories could well be on my way. Please, I don’t want this. Currently, there’s no glass wall between us, just the bonds that might need to be loosen. Un-screw the nails, add another component, and then re-screw everything back. That’s all.

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Saturday, 26 April 2008-)
+4/26/2008 11:38:00 pm]*

Title: Roots-

Hey.

"No matter how spread we are, we are always linked back to the roots"
- Matthew's line.

I felt weird today when Celine told me about how her classmate reacted to that comment given a long time ago. In fact, my mind ran wild when she said that I needed to start making friends with that classmate of hers. Yup, yup… I thought, but if I’m allowed to take step back to think about how that is a fantasy long time ago, things would have been so much simpler. First, why didn’t I carry on with the crazy sms time some days ago? Yes, you know the answer deep inside. Next, if I get over with this and carry on, will the problem come up again? Duh, what foolish reply, but this is it! If the trouble lies in you, changing the environment won’t change the outcome.

I can create more happy memories, if you would allow me to. For now, the way you avoid scares me.

Anyway, smile more!! (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Wednesday, 23 April 2008-)
+4/23/2008 11:24:00 pm]*

Title: Title?-

Hello.

I realised how pathetic I am. Today I just found that I’m too dependent on the little things I see. Ok, last time I she was wearing contact lenses. That made me love it too, but these days she changed back to her usual spectacles. Again, I had this sudden urge to wear glasses. I don’t really know what’s going on in my screwed brain.

Another thing is this; I have this tendency not to feel nice to talk to her anymore. For some reason I think that I’m disturbing her every time I approach her. Maybe that’s why I was rather silent since some time ago. In fact I don’t want to be a nuisance and bother her too much. Alright, I was right behind her in lt today. I did just that; said nothing and occasionally knock her for awhile to wake her up. Oh wells, that’s all!

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Monday, 21 April 2008-)
+4/21/2008 11:47:00 pm]*

Title: Eee-ner-gie! (:-

Hey.

I’m here to record how I was energised immediately after going for a tiny walk on Friday after lessons. I remembered I almost collapsed for every lesson that day and many saw that I wasn’t feeling well. In fact, momma later told that to Shan. Yet things turned 180 degrees. As I was walking back to class she suddenly popped at the blind spot leading to the little grandstand gate. Actions of greeting were the littlest then, but it somehow seemed to be a sign of encouragement to carry on with the day.

Oh! On Thursday I think, I was watching a drama serial which showed how lovely a couple was balancing work and social life. I don’t know how to describe this, but it felt like what happened some weeks ago. The challenge here was; I had to suppress my gestures and language in front of daddy and mummy. Haha!!

Saturday was the day where a new trainer, Serena, came in to give new ideas to our acting. She told us that we should explore any angle to our character rather than for performance sake. That’s when Matthew toned down his emotions and many more did their stuff. As for me, my task was to act big and strong as I wish, but as usual, my body respond otherwise. It was a real and fun experience!

For today, I very much liked the way brother talked to the entire school about some senior in critical health condition. Instead of the normal way of telling us about his situation and expect us to decipher on the values of this story, he told us that we should learn from this that we ought to spend every day to the fullest if we don’t know what can happen next.

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Thursday, 17 April 2008-)
+4/17/2008 11:17:00 pm]*

Title: Smiley day!-

Hey.

It was quite funny today. First I felt so proud for something in lecture, and then everything went so well during the sports heats.

I was dozing during econs lecture past the half hour mark especially after I noticed many heads began to droop. Mr ang tried to wake some of them by tapping their ears and I heard this from lizzy. Just then, when I fell asleep, there was the ticklish feeling on my right ear. My eyes opened widely. Then subconsciously I said, “hi mr ang!” I think he got a shock. “Huh?” I sensed him bending down to listen, but this time round I repeated louder. Apparently he was saying something, but my system shut down till he asked to collect file next week. In all, this was fun when I responded so oddly and unusual from my norm.

Nanas, cbelle, yk and I went there quite early, but our mates were late. In fact I think I called nat three times within a minute. That was how desperate I was. Anyway, I was sitting with yk as he prepared to gear himself mentally for the long jump. Yet it was a wrong move for the team; we were supposed to report to mr foo to prepare for the race.

Soon, the heats group one began. The girls were considered fast, but when the baton was passed to the guys, it was quite obvious that they zoomed to the extreme. Without much time to prepare, ours, heats two, started. Yk seemed scared and asked to swap, but I was shocker than he was. Thankfully he took his words back. Clarabelle was running to her max, but towards the end she looked to slow down. And she stepping on the edge of the lane showed that quite well. Yk grabbed the baton and rushed ahead despite being the second.

Next coming was Nanas, she was second then, and she looked to struggle to keep into the inner lane. That’s when mrs tan was trying to re-arrange us runners according to our positions. In the middle section of the straight stretch, Nanas managed to sneak past Cheeko. “oh, now I’m the first,” I commented. I felt it was rather arrogant, but that was the way it was. Just I was about to get the baton, Cheeko fell, but I couldn’t do anything then, which was why my mind started to give way. I kept thinking that we have so much time and space to do whatever I wanted. As I ran along the bent stretch I was bothered by the fact that my shoes were going to fall off. That’s when I had the jogging pace. And thankfully I came to my senses that I needed to speed up, which propelled me forward. Honestly, this kind of speed can fit me into 400 metres. Anyway, I sprinted at the last part. Here’s the crazy part. I rushed all the way before I reached nat, thinking that I ought to do something like shuttle run. But I found that I needed to brake and pass the baton completely. Then from the brake I jumped. “oh no, panic panic!” ran in my mind. Thank goodness that when nat ran she had lots of space. In no time, Michael was very fast and came to pass his baton to someone whom I still have no idea of her identity, supposedly Magdalene. She was quite fast too and by the time Glen got it he sprinted so fast that looked like Shaine in disguise, but I’m pretty sure he was much faster than him. We got the top for that race, but ended up third in timing. In fact all of us were so surprised that we started congratulating one another. The end was much more memorable; we did a “one two three, 15!!”

I was very sure that I can’t run anymore since I wasn’t the one registered. What an unfair world, but the sudden motivation at past 1630 today made everything possible, including the excitement to socialise.

Such a smiley day!! (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Wednesday, 16 April 2008-)
+4/16/2008 10:25:00 pm]*

Title: Someone misses you!!-

Hey.

This phrase has been tracking me all day long ever since momma passed a leaf which wrote this to me during lt3. The funny thing was, there was a huge contradiction. I was real tired yet kj was in his norm, trying to tease me by getting attention from those in front. And yes, he was calling his cca-mate.

Speaking of contradiction, I can’t help it but to release this. It stayed with me since yesterday and I thought I could let this fact pass as I carry on with life. In fact it was something that t15 (junior!!) Natalie and I were talking about. Oh by the way, she’s really sociable! Anyway, we were talking about someone whom we both know. This was when the contradiction comes in. Both came to this school as leaders, one turned out to be of an extreme pH, the other with much nicer attitude towards life. Well, of course, the latter seems to be more willing to accept things around.

Since I’m in the topic of acceptance, I’m jolted from my sleep during assembly at reflection. I forgot the exact lines but the idea was this, have you ever lost a friend because you didn’t say ‘hi’? To be honest, I lost this friend of mine since five days ago. And I never dared to look for this person again, for all the fear that I lose this friend every time I try to re-make us as friends.

Anyway, Celine has been telling me how flattered her classmate was after I gave a pleasant comment. But this is true! Alright, this can only turn out to be a win-win situation; her classmate will have high ego while I have another pretty face bypassing daily. OH MY! Ironic thing is that, I’m listening to “with you” currently. Haha, what timing.

The only reason I can give is that I’m too tired to think logically and wisely. Perhaps things would turn better some other day. Really, someone misses you.

~smile!! (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Tuesday, 15 April 2008-)
+4/15/2008 09:05:00 pm]*

Title: Love of your life-

Hey.
This was what babygrace said during her pe today, in her usual innocent yet act smart tone.

In fact, I was more obssessed with the fact that her puppy dog eyes that seemed like a three year old kid when nicki tried to team up with her just to scare me. It looked so... erm, kiddish! yup, and that line stayed on with me, bypassing the chuas along the way.

During the bus ride just now I had a lot on my mind. I left the bus feeling purposeful and energised. Why? Not because of the ridiculous plan daddy suggested in picking me up from the nearest bus stop in this stormy evening. Neither is it the plan for tomorrow's schedule. Yet, it was a line I've been neglecting all these while.

"Give more than you receive."

This doesn't sound as the exact phrase but the notion is here. I should offer as much as I can without expecting anything in return. Everyday I'm wishing for something. On the outside, I look like I'm stoning. As a result, I'm not offering. Neither am I taking; what a waste of my existence on earth man!

In fact, deep down inside I expect events that benefit daily. Yes, practical but selfish. Another fault is that I do things for praises. That's actually my motivation to provide aid to others but I know truly that this isn't the right way. The best is, of course, me giving uncondition help to others. The only condition to do this is to fully equip myself to help, which doesn't come overnight. ):

Please give me the strength to offer my best, and hope everyone to give their max out to those around, the loves of their lives.

~smile!

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Monday, 14 April 2008-)
+4/14/2008 08:40:00 pm]*

Title: Inspiration-

Hey.
I’ve been looking at my phone for many times, trust me, more than thirty times, hoping for an sms but all of them gave me the disappointed feeling. Perhaps I’m too naïve to think that this could last long. Or to forget that we need new and surprising things to keep us optimistic and purposeful to look forward to the day. Honestly, I have moments believing that I should just wave the white flag as I put full force into studies, but these are the tiny surprising things daily. Alright, maybe I’m thinking too much, which I hope dearly. Maybe, she’s feeling sick so she won’t be able to reply. Or maybe, she has decided to put herself to studies without pointless messages being a distraction. I ought to look for other sources of inspiration. As for now, the pharaoh’s my new role model, especially when I saw the independent side of him being very diligent along the corridor today.
Fight for what you ought to get!!
~smile (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Sunday, 13 April 2008-)
+4/13/2008 09:33:00 pm]*

Title: Saving life-

hello!

this week has been rather fulfilling. i've been through blood donation and looked into a new side of my character in the play. of course not forgetting to listen attentively in class when i asked many questions, then followed by re-doing of hw.

on fri, it was a ridiculous day. i disappeared from class immediately for the frisbee practice where i taught someone to play. then i transformed into an obedient kid with my uniform as i stepped into the auditorium extension for the blood donation drive. there was the filling of form, then asking questions to the medical officer. he was quite funny when he found that i took malaria medication orally yet he kept quiet and gave a little smile. later i killed tons of time by talking to valerie from drama. there was also the next step where the nurse would get a tool and poke my right ring finger tip. blood oozed out as a huge droplet. the nurse took a clear yakult-like straw and drew blood from there. but that wasn't enough, so she tried to squeeze the tip. soon after, the straw got more and more, and i got more and more excited. even with the loud click that the tool gave which shocked me earlier had no impact now. with the straw half-full of blood, she dripped it into a blue solution. it sank, which meant that i passed the iron test! i was again excited when i heard that many failed this part and had to leave at this stage. that's when alex and gang had to drag us away from the auditorium extension to the lt. there we had two full runs and time seemed to pass so slowly! but it was fine in the end. after debrief and stuff like that, i rushed to the auditorium extension and hoped if i could make it on time. thankfully they allowed. when it was my turn the nurse was digressing me by talking to me about the iron pills and follow up check ups and some pamphlet to read as another poked the first needle into my vein. i wanted to look but instincts told me otherwise. smart choice, cos i heard that it was real thick! then the second poke came in. that's when the drawing of blood really began. oh, i was the last, by the way. there were some drama ppl clearing up then, so after they were done they came by to see how foolish i looked. and trust me, that scene looks as if i had only two days to survive. hilarious! (: in the end, i finished third last, all because of the squishy heart-shaped rubber. it was so nice to hold! (:

in all, everything's fine. but i gotta leave now! byee!!! (:

~smile!

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Tuesday, 8 April 2008-)
+4/08/2008 10:58:00 pm]*

Title: -

Hey. I’m close to falling flat now, so don’t care whatever’s up here.

Oh yes, I’ve thought of the bubble instead of the rubber band. This is how life should be; imagine you’re underwater and you’re blowing your bubble to survive. But you can’t blow everything all at one shot. It’ll burst and that’s the end. The rule of this game is to keep the stamina to blow the bubble slowly originally, yet this time, you’re playing this game with another person. Someone whom you have no idea how fast she blows it. But one thing’s the same. You must start the game. Then see how long you can last. Here’s the challenge. When your game partner slows down, your tempo must rise, no matter how tough it may be. Otherwise your bubble will shrink and you’ll die straight away. By right, outside rumours should have deterred me from carrying on with this game, but for some reason the excitement to play on never seems to die. Always.

If being attracted by her is a problem, then it was such a huge problem, all these while...

oh please, ignore whatever's here, i repeat. rambling.
and yes, i think this is freakin' lame. what poor disguise!

~smile!! (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

+4/08/2008 05:53:00 am]*

Title: blank!-

lizzy n cbelle decided to be funny by choosing the oddest seats they ever sat in the lt this day. their laughters were so obvious. but the contrasting thing was that, i was too busy trying to clear my throat and semi-shut-down mode from my drained mind. by the end of the lecture victoria who was sitting beside me popped to ask me smth. this moment i stepped into a transition between subconscious mugger and a sociable person. but i found it odd. for that few seconds she was so alive asking a question and smiling, but i was stoning. in fact i think i was staring at her. alamak! aiyo... the worst that when she was saying smth after i broke free from sleepiness, suddenly james and lizzy asked about the stock market game. ohno! so rude! even though it was "ok", i but i felt extremely bad.

~smile (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Saturday, 5 April 2008-)
+4/05/2008 09:56:00 pm]*

Title: mm-

hey i realised that i was too mad about what happened ytd. sorry. maybe it was cross campus day. who knows! and yes! stay happy for the new schedule tmr!!

smile!! (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Friday, 4 April 2008-)
+4/04/2008 09:16:00 pm]*

Title: Stop and Stare-

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin' off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not 'there'
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see?

They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not 'there'
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What you need, what you need, what you need

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see?

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

+4/04/2008 08:11:00 pm]*

Title: MM-

Hey.
this is the time where i could have been happily living my friday for whatever reasons but it's the worst day from the most unexpected person.

i was caught by the irresponsibility of this so-called leader of mine towards the end of today's session. there was a conflict of tomorrow's schedule when there is going to be two events happening at the same time, so the other big-shots started to bombard me and interrogate me which event i'm going to choose. i said i was fine with the fact that i go for tmr's session with one simple condition; mm must settle the schedule for me. ok fine, they didn't get it in the end, which meant that those shots bugged me again. i hated the irritation, and that forced me to agree.

later i asked mm the first time if she's going to help me manage my time for subsequent weeks. (btw, she said she would help me a few weeks back!) she was facing in my direction when i said this, but this fellow simply chose to turn to her good friend with the dance. can anyone imagine that?! it really fumed me so much that i shut my mouth extremely tight, hoping that none of the vulgarities came out. in fact all sorts of words flew into my head. when jon came sit by me after some stoned expression was the time i broke free from the staring of mm. i said this, i feel like stuffing this walking stick that i have through her head. it was all because of the huge contrast in emotions; i was *-king angry yet she was enjoying herself with that irrelevant dance of hers.

sometimes i had to wonder why mm had this role she's enjoying currently. on status she's one of the two top positions in this d**n show. because of position out of the seven inside? or there's no one else as responsible as others might think of her? (well she is not, since today. just that others don't even bother to show up their faces as mm does. wait, isn't that called s*kup?) or maybe she's pitied? or perhaps she's just another puppet partner such that the projected threat might lessen its effect? honestly if there was a better leader for me who could solve my problem instead of pushing the blame back on me when i can only follow her bl***y instructions, like send the message immediately and hoping that she'll get her reply asap rather than send tmr then hope to get the reply asap, i would give this person much more respect. but obviously she's a fry in terms of character here and if this goes on then it's too bad for her. this is also the largest reason that i'm losing confidence.

maybe i know what i can do. be pro. go there form chemistry with my group only. leave the place as if the rest don't ever exist. that had been my role since day one. over these days i didn't see how bad my so-called leaders had been which is probably the cause for the pleasure i'm experiencing lately. my fellow mates have been kind to me, etc.

all the more the frustration was that i wanted to shout at mm when she was dancing with this good friend while i was not given the reply i'd been waiting for. but for some reason i was thinking that this might affect her entirely. so that actually stopped me.

i think dad was right. there're plenty of selfish people around the world. maybe in your own little worlds. giving too much trust in others might tempt them to exploit it. supposedly mm had the impression of being caring for others. yes, i was wrong. absolutely wrong. now spending time on the wrong things might mean that this show will go down the drain. thank goodness she doesn't control everything currently, except for some delivery calling service and things like that. or we're doomed. definitely, for all the inability to see things referring to her.

please, bless those who're weak to be focused on what they're supposed to do. today's decision was disappointing. and, help me calm down even if she doesn't give me answer to that archery session. please remind myself that i can call the teacher myself to clarify about the schedule. wait, why didn't i do it myself? after all i could do it much better than her. oh yes, i almost forgot. mm had all the schedules and she had no other role now other than dancing that retarded dance of hers while i had to satisfy character demands. yep, bless all for a peaceful world. trust others. please.

thank all those who gave me much laughter for the week. monday to thursday. (:
~smile!! (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

xxx typed*: blog

(Tuesday, 29 April 2008-)
+4/29/2008 12:19:00 am]*

Title: Phone on the line-

Hello

Step one: don’t disturb others
Step two: don’t irritate others

These are the two lines on my phone start up screen, since many many days ago. So long that I've forgotten already. At least three weeks? SO... ... Pathetically, the rush from school work has taken up all my energy to give. That’s why these days I’ve never wanted to start talking. Perhaps Naddy was right. It’s what she called “shy”, but yes, that’s about it. Hope I can know the result soon, but I’m pretty sure that washing all memories could well be on my way. Please, I don’t want this. Currently, there’s no glass wall between us, just the bonds that might need to be loosen. Un-screw the nails, add another component, and then re-screw everything back. That’s all.

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Saturday, 26 April 2008-)
+4/26/2008 11:38:00 pm]*

Title: Roots-

Hey.

"No matter how spread we are, we are always linked back to the roots"
- Matthew's line.

I felt weird today when Celine told me about how her classmate reacted to that comment given a long time ago. In fact, my mind ran wild when she said that I needed to start making friends with that classmate of hers. Yup, yup… I thought, but if I’m allowed to take step back to think about how that is a fantasy long time ago, things would have been so much simpler. First, why didn’t I carry on with the crazy sms time some days ago? Yes, you know the answer deep inside. Next, if I get over with this and carry on, will the problem come up again? Duh, what foolish reply, but this is it! If the trouble lies in you, changing the environment won’t change the outcome.

I can create more happy memories, if you would allow me to. For now, the way you avoid scares me.

Anyway, smile more!! (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Wednesday, 23 April 2008-)
+4/23/2008 11:24:00 pm]*

Title: Title?-

Hello.

I realised how pathetic I am. Today I just found that I’m too dependent on the little things I see. Ok, last time I she was wearing contact lenses. That made me love it too, but these days she changed back to her usual spectacles. Again, I had this sudden urge to wear glasses. I don’t really know what’s going on in my screwed brain.

Another thing is this; I have this tendency not to feel nice to talk to her anymore. For some reason I think that I’m disturbing her every time I approach her. Maybe that’s why I was rather silent since some time ago. In fact I don’t want to be a nuisance and bother her too much. Alright, I was right behind her in lt today. I did just that; said nothing and occasionally knock her for awhile to wake her up. Oh wells, that’s all!

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Monday, 21 April 2008-)
+4/21/2008 11:47:00 pm]*

Title: Eee-ner-gie! (:-

Hey.

I’m here to record how I was energised immediately after going for a tiny walk on Friday after lessons. I remembered I almost collapsed for every lesson that day and many saw that I wasn’t feeling well. In fact, momma later told that to Shan. Yet things turned 180 degrees. As I was walking back to class she suddenly popped at the blind spot leading to the little grandstand gate. Actions of greeting were the littlest then, but it somehow seemed to be a sign of encouragement to carry on with the day.

Oh! On Thursday I think, I was watching a drama serial which showed how lovely a couple was balancing work and social life. I don’t know how to describe this, but it felt like what happened some weeks ago. The challenge here was; I had to suppress my gestures and language in front of daddy and mummy. Haha!!

Saturday was the day where a new trainer, Serena, came in to give new ideas to our acting. She told us that we should explore any angle to our character rather than for performance sake. That’s when Matthew toned down his emotions and many more did their stuff. As for me, my task was to act big and strong as I wish, but as usual, my body respond otherwise. It was a real and fun experience!

For today, I very much liked the way brother talked to the entire school about some senior in critical health condition. Instead of the normal way of telling us about his situation and expect us to decipher on the values of this story, he told us that we should learn from this that we ought to spend every day to the fullest if we don’t know what can happen next.

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Thursday, 17 April 2008-)
+4/17/2008 11:17:00 pm]*

Title: Smiley day!-

Hey.

It was quite funny today. First I felt so proud for something in lecture, and then everything went so well during the sports heats.

I was dozing during econs lecture past the half hour mark especially after I noticed many heads began to droop. Mr ang tried to wake some of them by tapping their ears and I heard this from lizzy. Just then, when I fell asleep, there was the ticklish feeling on my right ear. My eyes opened widely. Then subconsciously I said, “hi mr ang!” I think he got a shock. “Huh?” I sensed him bending down to listen, but this time round I repeated louder. Apparently he was saying something, but my system shut down till he asked to collect file next week. In all, this was fun when I responded so oddly and unusual from my norm.

Nanas, cbelle, yk and I went there quite early, but our mates were late. In fact I think I called nat three times within a minute. That was how desperate I was. Anyway, I was sitting with yk as he prepared to gear himself mentally for the long jump. Yet it was a wrong move for the team; we were supposed to report to mr foo to prepare for the race.

Soon, the heats group one began. The girls were considered fast, but when the baton was passed to the guys, it was quite obvious that they zoomed to the extreme. Without much time to prepare, ours, heats two, started. Yk seemed scared and asked to swap, but I was shocker than he was. Thankfully he took his words back. Clarabelle was running to her max, but towards the end she looked to slow down. And she stepping on the edge of the lane showed that quite well. Yk grabbed the baton and rushed ahead despite being the second.

Next coming was Nanas, she was second then, and she looked to struggle to keep into the inner lane. That’s when mrs tan was trying to re-arrange us runners according to our positions. In the middle section of the straight stretch, Nanas managed to sneak past Cheeko. “oh, now I’m the first,” I commented. I felt it was rather arrogant, but that was the way it was. Just I was about to get the baton, Cheeko fell, but I couldn’t do anything then, which was why my mind started to give way. I kept thinking that we have so much time and space to do whatever I wanted. As I ran along the bent stretch I was bothered by the fact that my shoes were going to fall off. That’s when I had the jogging pace. And thankfully I came to my senses that I needed to speed up, which propelled me forward. Honestly, this kind of speed can fit me into 400 metres. Anyway, I sprinted at the last part. Here’s the crazy part. I rushed all the way before I reached nat, thinking that I ought to do something like shuttle run. But I found that I needed to brake and pass the baton completely. Then from the brake I jumped. “oh no, panic panic!” ran in my mind. Thank goodness that when nat ran she had lots of space. In no time, Michael was very fast and came to pass his baton to someone whom I still have no idea of her identity, supposedly Magdalene. She was quite fast too and by the time Glen got it he sprinted so fast that looked like Shaine in disguise, but I’m pretty sure he was much faster than him. We got the top for that race, but ended up third in timing. In fact all of us were so surprised that we started congratulating one another. The end was much more memorable; we did a “one two three, 15!!”

I was very sure that I can’t run anymore since I wasn’t the one registered. What an unfair world, but the sudden motivation at past 1630 today made everything possible, including the excitement to socialise.

Such a smiley day!! (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Wednesday, 16 April 2008-)
+4/16/2008 10:25:00 pm]*

Title: Someone misses you!!-

Hey.

This phrase has been tracking me all day long ever since momma passed a leaf which wrote this to me during lt3. The funny thing was, there was a huge contradiction. I was real tired yet kj was in his norm, trying to tease me by getting attention from those in front. And yes, he was calling his cca-mate.

Speaking of contradiction, I can’t help it but to release this. It stayed with me since yesterday and I thought I could let this fact pass as I carry on with life. In fact it was something that t15 (junior!!) Natalie and I were talking about. Oh by the way, she’s really sociable! Anyway, we were talking about someone whom we both know. This was when the contradiction comes in. Both came to this school as leaders, one turned out to be of an extreme pH, the other with much nicer attitude towards life. Well, of course, the latter seems to be more willing to accept things around.

Since I’m in the topic of acceptance, I’m jolted from my sleep during assembly at reflection. I forgot the exact lines but the idea was this, have you ever lost a friend because you didn’t say ‘hi’? To be honest, I lost this friend of mine since five days ago. And I never dared to look for this person again, for all the fear that I lose this friend every time I try to re-make us as friends.

Anyway, Celine has been telling me how flattered her classmate was after I gave a pleasant comment. But this is true! Alright, this can only turn out to be a win-win situation; her classmate will have high ego while I have another pretty face bypassing daily. OH MY! Ironic thing is that, I’m listening to “with you” currently. Haha, what timing.

The only reason I can give is that I’m too tired to think logically and wisely. Perhaps things would turn better some other day. Really, someone misses you.

~smile!! (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

(Tuesday, 15 April 2008-)
+4/15/2008 09:05:00 pm]*

Title: Love of your life-

Hey.
This was what babygrace said during her pe today, in her usual innocent yet act smart tone.

In fact, I was more obssessed with the fact that her puppy dog eyes that seemed like a three year old kid when nicki tried to team up with her just to scare me. It looked so... erm, kiddish! yup, and that line stayed on with me, bypassing the chuas along the way.

During the bus ride just now I had a lot on my mind. I left the bus feeling purposeful and energised. Why? Not because of the ridiculous plan daddy suggested in picking me up from the nearest bus stop in this stormy evening. Neither is it the plan for tomorrow's schedule. Yet, it was a line I've been neglecting all these while.

"Give more than you receive."

This doesn't sound as the exact phrase but the notion is here. I should offer as much as I can without expecting anything in return. Everyday I'm wishing for something. On the outside, I look like I'm stoning. As a result, I'm not offering. Neither am I taking; what a waste of my existence on earth man!

In fact, deep down inside I expect events that benefit daily. Yes, practical but selfish. Another fault is that I do things for praises. That's actually my motivation to provide aid to others but I know truly that this isn't the right way. The best is, of course, me giving uncondition help to others. The only condition to do this is to fully equip myself to help, which doesn't come overnight. ):

Please give me the strength to offer my best, and hope everyone to give their max out to those around, the loves of their lives.

~smile!

yup, so that's what happened (:
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(Monday, 14 April 2008-)
+4/14/2008 08:40:00 pm]*

Title: Inspiration-

Hey.
I’ve been looking at my phone for many times, trust me, more than thirty times, hoping for an sms but all of them gave me the disappointed feeling. Perhaps I’m too naïve to think that this could last long. Or to forget that we need new and surprising things to keep us optimistic and purposeful to look forward to the day. Honestly, I have moments believing that I should just wave the white flag as I put full force into studies, but these are the tiny surprising things daily. Alright, maybe I’m thinking too much, which I hope dearly. Maybe, she’s feeling sick so she won’t be able to reply. Or maybe, she has decided to put herself to studies without pointless messages being a distraction. I ought to look for other sources of inspiration. As for now, the pharaoh’s my new role model, especially when I saw the independent side of him being very diligent along the corridor today.
Fight for what you ought to get!!
~smile (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
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(Sunday, 13 April 2008-)
+4/13/2008 09:33:00 pm]*

Title: Saving life-

hello!

this week has been rather fulfilling. i've been through blood donation and looked into a new side of my character in the play. of course not forgetting to listen attentively in class when i asked many questions, then followed by re-doing of hw.

on fri, it was a ridiculous day. i disappeared from class immediately for the frisbee practice where i taught someone to play. then i transformed into an obedient kid with my uniform as i stepped into the auditorium extension for the blood donation drive. there was the filling of form, then asking questions to the medical officer. he was quite funny when he found that i took malaria medication orally yet he kept quiet and gave a little smile. later i killed tons of time by talking to valerie from drama. there was also the next step where the nurse would get a tool and poke my right ring finger tip. blood oozed out as a huge droplet. the nurse took a clear yakult-like straw and drew blood from there. but that wasn't enough, so she tried to squeeze the tip. soon after, the straw got more and more, and i got more and more excited. even with the loud click that the tool gave which shocked me earlier had no impact now. with the straw half-full of blood, she dripped it into a blue solution. it sank, which meant that i passed the iron test! i was again excited when i heard that many failed this part and had to leave at this stage. that's when alex and gang had to drag us away from the auditorium extension to the lt. there we had two full runs and time seemed to pass so slowly! but it was fine in the end. after debrief and stuff like that, i rushed to the auditorium extension and hoped if i could make it on time. thankfully they allowed. when it was my turn the nurse was digressing me by talking to me about the iron pills and follow up check ups and some pamphlet to read as another poked the first needle into my vein. i wanted to look but instincts told me otherwise. smart choice, cos i heard that it was real thick! then the second poke came in. that's when the drawing of blood really began. oh, i was the last, by the way. there were some drama ppl clearing up then, so after they were done they came by to see how foolish i looked. and trust me, that scene looks as if i had only two days to survive. hilarious! (: in the end, i finished third last, all because of the squishy heart-shaped rubber. it was so nice to hold! (:

in all, everything's fine. but i gotta leave now! byee!!! (:

~smile!

yup, so that's what happened (:
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(Tuesday, 8 April 2008-)
+4/08/2008 10:58:00 pm]*

Title: -

Hey. I’m close to falling flat now, so don’t care whatever’s up here.

Oh yes, I’ve thought of the bubble instead of the rubber band. This is how life should be; imagine you’re underwater and you’re blowing your bubble to survive. But you can’t blow everything all at one shot. It’ll burst and that’s the end. The rule of this game is to keep the stamina to blow the bubble slowly originally, yet this time, you’re playing this game with another person. Someone whom you have no idea how fast she blows it. But one thing’s the same. You must start the game. Then see how long you can last. Here’s the challenge. When your game partner slows down, your tempo must rise, no matter how tough it may be. Otherwise your bubble will shrink and you’ll die straight away. By right, outside rumours should have deterred me from carrying on with this game, but for some reason the excitement to play on never seems to die. Always.

If being attracted by her is a problem, then it was such a huge problem, all these while...

oh please, ignore whatever's here, i repeat. rambling.
and yes, i think this is freakin' lame. what poor disguise!

~smile!! (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

+4/08/2008 05:53:00 am]*

Title: blank!-

lizzy n cbelle decided to be funny by choosing the oddest seats they ever sat in the lt this day. their laughters were so obvious. but the contrasting thing was that, i was too busy trying to clear my throat and semi-shut-down mode from my drained mind. by the end of the lecture victoria who was sitting beside me popped to ask me smth. this moment i stepped into a transition between subconscious mugger and a sociable person. but i found it odd. for that few seconds she was so alive asking a question and smiling, but i was stoning. in fact i think i was staring at her. alamak! aiyo... the worst that when she was saying smth after i broke free from sleepiness, suddenly james and lizzy asked about the stock market game. ohno! so rude! even though it was "ok", i but i felt extremely bad.

~smile (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
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(Saturday, 5 April 2008-)
+4/05/2008 09:56:00 pm]*

Title: mm-

hey i realised that i was too mad about what happened ytd. sorry. maybe it was cross campus day. who knows! and yes! stay happy for the new schedule tmr!!

smile!! (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
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(Friday, 4 April 2008-)
+4/04/2008 09:16:00 pm]*

Title: Stop and Stare-

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin' off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not 'there'
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see?

They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not 'there'
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What you need, what you need, what you need

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see?

yup, so that's what happened (:
________________________________________________________________________________

+4/04/2008 08:11:00 pm]*

Title: MM-

Hey.
this is the time where i could have been happily living my friday for whatever reasons but it's the worst day from the most unexpected person.

i was caught by the irresponsibility of this so-called leader of mine towards the end of today's session. there was a conflict of tomorrow's schedule when there is going to be two events happening at the same time, so the other big-shots started to bombard me and interrogate me which event i'm going to choose. i said i was fine with the fact that i go for tmr's session with one simple condition; mm must settle the schedule for me. ok fine, they didn't get it in the end, which meant that those shots bugged me again. i hated the irritation, and that forced me to agree.

later i asked mm the first time if she's going to help me manage my time for subsequent weeks. (btw, she said she would help me a few weeks back!) she was facing in my direction when i said this, but this fellow simply chose to turn to her good friend with the dance. can anyone imagine that?! it really fumed me so much that i shut my mouth extremely tight, hoping that none of the vulgarities came out. in fact all sorts of words flew into my head. when jon came sit by me after some stoned expression was the time i broke free from the staring of mm. i said this, i feel like stuffing this walking stick that i have through her head. it was all because of the huge contrast in emotions; i was *-king angry yet she was enjoying herself with that irrelevant dance of hers.

sometimes i had to wonder why mm had this role she's enjoying currently. on status she's one of the two top positions in this d**n show. because of position out of the seven inside? or there's no one else as responsible as others might think of her? (well she is not, since today. just that others don't even bother to show up their faces as mm does. wait, isn't that called s*kup?) or maybe she's pitied? or perhaps she's just another puppet partner such that the projected threat might lessen its effect? honestly if there was a better leader for me who could solve my problem instead of pushing the blame back on me when i can only follow her bl***y instructions, like send the message immediately and hoping that she'll get her reply asap rather than send tmr then hope to get the reply asap, i would give this person much more respect. but obviously she's a fry in terms of character here and if this goes on then it's too bad for her. this is also the largest reason that i'm losing confidence.

maybe i know what i can do. be pro. go there form chemistry with my group only. leave the place as if the rest don't ever exist. that had been my role since day one. over these days i didn't see how bad my so-called leaders had been which is probably the cause for the pleasure i'm experiencing lately. my fellow mates have been kind to me, etc.

all the more the frustration was that i wanted to shout at mm when she was dancing with this good friend while i was not given the reply i'd been waiting for. but for some reason i was thinking that this might affect her entirely. so that actually stopped me.

i think dad was right. there're plenty of selfish people around the world. maybe in your own little worlds. giving too much trust in others might tempt them to exploit it. supposedly mm had the impression of being caring for others. yes, i was wrong. absolutely wrong. now spending time on the wrong things might mean that this show will go down the drain. thank goodness she doesn't control everything currently, except for some delivery calling service and things like that. or we're doomed. definitely, for all the inability to see things referring to her.

please, bless those who're weak to be focused on what they're supposed to do. today's decision was disappointing. and, help me calm down even if she doesn't give me answer to that archery session. please remind myself that i can call the teacher myself to clarify about the schedule. wait, why didn't i do it myself? after all i could do it much better than her. oh yes, i almost forgot. mm had all the schedules and she had no other role now other than dancing that retarded dance of hers while i had to satisfy character demands. yep, bless all for a peaceful world. trust others. please.

thank all those who gave me much laughter for the week. monday to thursday. (:
~smile!! (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
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