Silence!

*nar-vigaa-torr says -

xxx typed*: mind (blog)

(Friday, 4 April 2008-)
+4/04/2008 08:11:00 pm]*

Title: MM-

Hey.
this is the time where i could have been happily living my friday for whatever reasons but it's the worst day from the most unexpected person.

i was caught by the irresponsibility of this so-called leader of mine towards the end of today's session. there was a conflict of tomorrow's schedule when there is going to be two events happening at the same time, so the other big-shots started to bombard me and interrogate me which event i'm going to choose. i said i was fine with the fact that i go for tmr's session with one simple condition; mm must settle the schedule for me. ok fine, they didn't get it in the end, which meant that those shots bugged me again. i hated the irritation, and that forced me to agree.

later i asked mm the first time if she's going to help me manage my time for subsequent weeks. (btw, she said she would help me a few weeks back!) she was facing in my direction when i said this, but this fellow simply chose to turn to her good friend with the dance. can anyone imagine that?! it really fumed me so much that i shut my mouth extremely tight, hoping that none of the vulgarities came out. in fact all sorts of words flew into my head. when jon came sit by me after some stoned expression was the time i broke free from the staring of mm. i said this, i feel like stuffing this walking stick that i have through her head. it was all because of the huge contrast in emotions; i was *-king angry yet she was enjoying herself with that irrelevant dance of hers.

sometimes i had to wonder why mm had this role she's enjoying currently. on status she's one of the two top positions in this d**n show. because of position out of the seven inside? or there's no one else as responsible as others might think of her? (well she is not, since today. just that others don't even bother to show up their faces as mm does. wait, isn't that called s*kup?) or maybe she's pitied? or perhaps she's just another puppet partner such that the projected threat might lessen its effect? honestly if there was a better leader for me who could solve my problem instead of pushing the blame back on me when i can only follow her bl***y instructions, like send the message immediately and hoping that she'll get her reply asap rather than send tmr then hope to get the reply asap, i would give this person much more respect. but obviously she's a fry in terms of character here and if this goes on then it's too bad for her. this is also the largest reason that i'm losing confidence.

maybe i know what i can do. be pro. go there form chemistry with my group only. leave the place as if the rest don't ever exist. that had been my role since day one. over these days i didn't see how bad my so-called leaders had been which is probably the cause for the pleasure i'm experiencing lately. my fellow mates have been kind to me, etc.

all the more the frustration was that i wanted to shout at mm when she was dancing with this good friend while i was not given the reply i'd been waiting for. but for some reason i was thinking that this might affect her entirely. so that actually stopped me.

i think dad was right. there're plenty of selfish people around the world. maybe in your own little worlds. giving too much trust in others might tempt them to exploit it. supposedly mm had the impression of being caring for others. yes, i was wrong. absolutely wrong. now spending time on the wrong things might mean that this show will go down the drain. thank goodness she doesn't control everything currently, except for some delivery calling service and things like that. or we're doomed. definitely, for all the inability to see things referring to her.

please, bless those who're weak to be focused on what they're supposed to do. today's decision was disappointing. and, help me calm down even if she doesn't give me answer to that archery session. please remind myself that i can call the teacher myself to clarify about the schedule. wait, why didn't i do it myself? after all i could do it much better than her. oh yes, i almost forgot. mm had all the schedules and she had no other role now other than dancing that retarded dance of hers while i had to satisfy character demands. yep, bless all for a peaceful world. trust others. please.

thank all those who gave me much laughter for the week. monday to thursday. (:
~smile!! (:

yup, so that's what happened (:
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xxx typed*: blog

(Friday, 4 April 2008-)
+4/04/2008 08:11:00 pm]*

Title: MM-

yup, so that's what happened (:
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